Running on Jupiter Alone

I cry, but I don't sob.

I just cry.

The kind that no one knows and no one hears.

The kind that shuts me down because I know screaming my lungs out trying to get back what's been lost ...

is useless.

There's nothing like losing hope, and there's nothing like losing a second chance at being happy, a shot at redemption.

You know that feeling?

It's like your life sort of dims into darkness, and all the ghosts come rushing back to haunt you. Where do we go from here??

If you're an old-hand at this, you can even cry on the inside, but still smile on the outside, as if nothing happened.

But that requires something inside you to die first, and
it's
quite
the price
to pay.

If you're really REALLY good,

like me,

you wouldn't be afraid of living even when you feel like you're dying,

because you'd look forward to giving your life away.

Life goes on, even when it's dark outside,

even when every step is like walking on
Jupiter,

followed by an entourage of
ghosts.

Life goes on,
even
on
my own.

Just Run

Guess I have to start running again.

I don't know. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know exactly how to get there.

Just run.

Lonely Planet

I am currently reading "The Lonely Planet Guide to Experimental Travel," in which I read: "Serendipity is like looking for a needle ina haystack and finding the farmer's daughter." Hmm, true? Maybe the farmer's son for me, eh? Haha!

I have to recommend this book to anyone who wants to indulge that inner child inside. It suggests ways to travel that we may not have thought about before. Crazy crazy stuff. I'm just really tired right now and don't want to get into it too much.

But I thought about it, and I think that whoever that's ready this book right now that's single and awesome might be awesome because he ready this book. You see, I want someone who can run with me ... go places, do weird things with me. I am somewhat tired of being alone.

Who can run with me? Or do I have to run alone?

On the Third Night of a Chinese New Year

I probably should be in bed, asleep, right now since I have to go to work tomorrow morning, and it's probably gonna be a long day. But I feel compelled to write something to capture this feeling, knowing that gladness, thankfulness and fulfillment are such temporary emotions that can be easily evaporated.

Not that I didn't know doing something that I don't want to do or just anything at all eventually gives way to treasures that are quite unexpected; its just that I forget sometimes. I went to dinner somewhat grudgingly with some of my parents' friends. In short, I had a good experience. First of all, Annie, a childhood friend unexpectedly (!) came back to Hong Kong and will be staying until August. I am going to have a friend here!!! So is Edward, but of course, that's a different story, considering he's my boss' son. But one way or another, I have friends here now!

Later that night, one of my parents' friends talked to Annie and me about his adventures abroad. One of them is a business venture to Croatia that aims not only to profit from the business, but also to improve the livelihood of Eastern Europe as a region, a bloc. In short, he also offered me a position to his current business as an "editor" to his English material (he owns a publishing house). I am guessing that he is also keeping me in mind for his business venture. The cool thing is that he's so awesome to talk to because he knows so much about traveling! I love it! And he's so open-minded! I would love to have a guide like him -- at least for the time-being.

New friend, new part-time job, new reference -- it's like a whole beginning to a new life!

Happiness evaporates all too easily and quickly. I am going to indulge in being happy right now.