This Week

So I think planning things out publicly will increase accountability and transparency.

Monday
11am: Global HR project meeting @ 2nd floor of library
12:30pm: Meeting with Sean for Global HR meeting update @ 2nd floor of library
2pm: Global Accounting project meeting @ SBA 4th floor lounge
3pm: Meeting Brian outside of SBA to go home
4pm: Sign up for Marketing group
5pm: Start Chinese homework
6pm: Dinner
7:30pm: Pumpkin Carving!!
*I really wanna go to the corn maze. :-(

Tuesday
6:30am: Arrive on campus; finish Chinese translation homework
9:00am: Chinese listening homework
10:00am: Study for Accounting quiz; take accounting notes for open-book
1:00pm: Chinese class
2:30pm: Marketing project meeting @ SBA 4th floor lounge
3:15pm: Meeting Brian at SBA to go home
4:00pm: Study for Accounting quiz and work on Project Management homework
5:30pm: Dinner
7:00pm: Pass out candy while studying! And don't forget to do financial aid stuff.

Wednesday

Study for Accounting and HR. Start on Marketing Icebreaker assignment.
Chinese assignment.

Thursday

6:30am: Campus; study accounting
8:30am: Chinese class
10:00am: Prepare for marketing class
12:30pm: Marketing class
5:00pm: Fooood!
7:30pm: Soccer
9:30pm: Shower and stuff
11:30pm: Sleep

Friday
8:30am: Prepare for accounting quiz; read HR material
12:30pm: Accounting class; quiz first 45 minutes
5:00pm: Get a ride home (anyone?)
6:00pm: Red Cup Friday!
12:00am: Sleep

Saturday
7:00am: Get up; go to school
8:00am: HR class; quiz during first 30 minutes of class
2:00pm: Meet Brian at SBA to go home

Up 'til Friday

I've kind of decided that maybe it'd be fun to write out what my events are for the rest of the week.

It's 10:30 pm right now, and I'm typing away. I'm gonna finish up here, go take a shower, and then get to bed.

I'm gonna get up before 7 tomorrow, send Brian a nice text for the day, and finish my accounting homework.

9:30am, break time, during which I will be doing my dishes and taking care of some laundry issues (the issue being I have a ridiculously huge pile of it!).

10:30am, read some more, make sure to be prepared for the guest speaker and the project details. Oh, and don't forget to check out what's going on with HR (errrm, I don't think I'll be bonding with that teacher much; you always know when the chemistry isn't there).

12:15pm, I'm going to set out for class.

5pm is when I get out of class. Hopefully, I'll get to go to Brian's ASAP! I need to get out of here. It's like home over there for me now. I love it ... I love him (and the cat ... we're one little family). Oh, and I need to grab my laundry and the red rice!

Yay! Happy!

About Mike

Just a real short one.

For those who don't know, my friend Mike LeChevallier is travelling through Africa on a Watson Fellowship (very prestigious!) to study inculturation in the Catholic church right now for the next 9-10 months (he's been there since August).

If you know Mike and would like to read his blog to get an update on his journey, check out: mikeintranslation.blogspot.com.

Mike is a very insightful, observant and thorought thinker, also a very good writer. I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

Until Spring

So he gave me until February/March/basically spring to move in with him.

"Why?" I questioned.
"Because that's what people do when they're in love," he replied.

So that's just the way it is, huh? I don't know, but I think I need a better answer than that. And no, I don't have an answer in mind.

"Just think about moving in?" Ok, I'll definitely give it the consideration it deserves, but until I come up with something, I just don't understand why I have such a problem with moving in.

I told him it's because I want a place to fall back on. I mean, every woman needs it. ... Right? At least that's what my mother taught me.

But no, now I realize that's not it. I'm not moving in not because I want to have a place to fall back on. I actually don't think I'll be needing that in this case. Besides, I have other options.

Is it because of transportation, that it's convenient to live on campus?

No, I'm not necessarily worried about that either. It's only a sub-problem under a larger context, which I am having problems identifying.

What about soverignty? Am I afraid of losing freedom?

Well, then again, if I am that scared, I wouldn't have been in this relationship to begin with.

Am I testing the relationship with unnecessary distance?

If that's the case, then I probably should move farther away to get more accurate results, since Portland and Tigard aren't that far apart.

I don't understand. Maybe I'm getting insecure because this is moving all so fast. Maybe just the fact that I have fallen completely head-over-heels for him so quickly went beyond my calculations. Maybe I don't ever want to risk changing any of this because it's so good.

Maybe it's just none or all of these things. Perhaps the bottomline is that I'm not ready to make such a change in my life yet ... to give up my (crappy and expensive) studio apartment willingly even though it's just a symbolic icon of my freedom and nothing substantial. Maybe I'm just not ready to give up being "me" yet. Undeniably, the point of living together is to sacrifice at least some sense of individuality to create some form of a hybrid entity mixed by the hand of what we might call Love. In this case, from "Elaine" to "Brilaine"

I think deep down, I'm still cautious about this Love thing that is meddling with my life right now. I don't ever want to be torn apart or abandoned or anything you can insert [here] .

It's so conflicting. Believe me. This guy ... he's something else. It IS tempting to just move in, to just dive in head first, to just risk it all ... my heart, my soul, my belief in the good of Love, and everything else I've got.

But I'm just afraid that I'll realize I don't know how to swim just after I dive in. Should I expect him to jump in and save me? Coz the ocean doesn't have a lifeguard, and I know it's much easier to just let me drown.

[Ah, me and my insecurities.]