Poise and Grace

Hello, Mark and Leslyn!

It's been almost a week since I received your e-mail, and much has happened since: I have moved and settled in to a new place, started my two new jobs, and thought about my life in different ways.

My new house is gorgeous. I didn't think I would have such a new and nice place to live, honestly. I also have a very cool roommate, and, at least so far, we get along great. Through my new roommate, I am slowly, but surely, expanding my social circle to beyond the one that Nora introduced me to. I am eager to see what else there is. I might also be introducing someone new into my life: a cat. haha! Yes, I believe that it's time I have a companion animal.

Speaking of my job, well, it's been interesting. Yes, Nora will be a gear reviewer, and she's also responsible for selling advertisement space during her review sessions. I am glad to know that Nora's enthused about her job, and I believe she will contribute a great deal to the team. My role is similar, but different. I am also responsible for selling advertisement spaces -- but for the entire company in general. So, just as Nora's special assignment is to make gear reviews, mine is to put together the company's overall marketing plans. With that, part of my job is also to manage some public relations duties.

It is interesting watching Nora work. From these observations, I noticed just how different we are. And from these differences, I have come to learn even more about myself.

Honestly, Nora is not easy to work with. Throughout my quarter-century lifetime, I have work with a number of people from many different parts of the world and many different walks of life. And I will have to say that Nora is one of the least tactful. Surely, tact can work against you to the point where you are just not saying what you need to say to get the job done. But when used appropriately, tact can smoothen out your life, period. It's definitely more beneficial to have tact than not. So, it's quite an experience to work with someone as high-strung and boisterous as Nora is. I understand that she is excited to bring income to her family, to have the freedom of work, to have creative, emotional and intellectual fulfillment, and the space to flex her ambitions. But she's also eager to please, so to prove herself worthy. In the process of that, I noticed that she's "coming on too strong," "crowding" the boss, and she's isolating old team members (telling the boss that other people are "not getting their job done" is, frankly, not our job -- boss already knows. move on.) What she believes "should be" sometimes comes in the way of her "openness," BOTH on the career front and personal front ... she takes for granted what common ground can do in any relations and is too eager to "be right." What I've gathered is that, sometimes, it's more advantageous to have one fewer enemy than to have one more friend. No matter how smart and able and wise you are, it's better to be patient, lay low and be humble at first ... or you will do the "open mouth, insert foot" trick before you know it. Very Chinese, but the Chinese are not the only ones to believe that. Sooner or later down the road, she will find out for herself ... but it must be something for her to find out in her own way. And I will be there ... NOT to say, "I told you so!" Nora's sense of toughness is signature of kids that basically "brought themselves up," when their parents were preoccupied with their own lives, when there weren't much guidance. With that said, I also learned so much about myself and what I need to learn. There are too few that know to admire the good of those they dislike, and to tolerate the bad of those they love. As much as I dislike certain things that Nora brings to the table, I realize that those are the same things that make her good; her weaknesses are also her strength, and vice versa. So, I will use my empathy to create tolerance and acceptance. I await to witness her next transformation ....

And I ... well, let's just say that I have come to be thankful for the sense of diplomacy and clarity I've learned from my family, from years of guidance by all those around me, and from observation and practice. Firmness does not need to be loud; strength and intensity can come in very quiet and subtle ways. Tonight, I exclaimed to myself that I LOVE the way I am ... I am solid, though gently, but surely. To voice one's opinion is a skill, but to keep silent is an art. I am poised and graceful. I am, and always have been, a crouching panther.

Nora used to be "my rock," as I used to call her. It seemed to me as if she always had the answers, and I actually believed her, and was a bit hurt, when she told me that I am "couple of years behind her" in terms of personal growth. But now, I realize that I am my own. If I am actually a couple years behind (what? I didn't think we are in a competition!), then I'm glad that I am, because during those years, I learned some golden lessons that make me shine. Perhaps, now it is my turn to be her rock (who will not pretend that she knows more than she does, but will be there for unconditional support).

I thank the Universe for giving me all that I need -- even though I don't know what exactly I have, I know it's there. So, I must learn to stop doubting myself and actually GIVE MYSELF SOME PATIENCE. If Buddha sits under a tree to wait, then I am definitely waiting, too ... just climbing up and down the tree, picking at its leaves, watching the ants and birds move about WHILE waiting. :)

I hope you are well. Let's talk soon! :)

Love,
Lum Lum