The Price to Pay
Foreword:
This is a conversation (well, more like me venting) I had with a good friend of mine after reading an article about therecent rape case at Duke University in the Living section of the Sunday Oregonian.
Skycrystal2005: Yeah, uh, I just read somethin disturbing, so I'm kind of out of it.
Skycrystal2005: Well, nothing personal, really. Just hte newspaper.
Skycrystal2005: About the Duke case.
Skycrystal2005: The lacrosse team's rape case?
Skycrystal2005: It shows some disturbing facts about this country.
dev1779: yeah i know
dev1779: though I think its about western society as well
Skycrystal2005: The worst "journalists", however, seem to be in America.
Skycrystal2005: To have people like Rush Limbaugh and Tucker Carlson jump on the instance and call the victim a "ho" and other names really shows how simple they are.
Skycrystal2005: How foolish.
dev1779: Rush Limbaugh is in idiot
Skycrystal2005: I don't understand how they would think calling people names like that would make them "cool".
Skycrystal2005: I'm assuming that's what they are aiming for because that's what the junior high kids do.
dev1779: I don't know if its about being cool
dev1779: they're blind and chauvinistic
Skycrystal2005: Well, I'm saying that their behavior brings to mind junior high kids who don't know any better.
dev1779: i can understand the link you're making
Skycrystal2005: It's like they had just learned those words and thought it'd be fun to say it.
dev1779: but I think its important not to oversimplify
Skycrystal2005: Because they know it would get a reaction.
Skycrystal2005: from their audience.
dev1779: yeah
Skycrystal2005: it's kind of puzzling. So embarrassing.
dev1779: they aren't stupid
Skycrystal2005: they have their potentials and talents, definitely.
Skycrystal2005: Being on TV and the radio ... to be in the spotlight ... isn't easy to handle.
Skycrystal2005: Then again, perhaps they ARE simple in certain ways.
Skycrystal2005: To judge people like that ... it is so easy to do to just jump on the bandwagon.
Skycrystal2005: and that really strikes a chord with me, because I've watched people around me jump on the bandwagon to point fingers at me when things happened to me.
Skycrystal2005: It was frustrating, definitely, and heartbreaking to a certain point.
Skycrystal2005: but now that I've seen so much, all I can do is to shake my head and feel embarrassed for them.
dev1779: of course
dev1779: thats why it happens so often
dev1779: of course
Skycrystal2005: It's a strange sensation sometimes ...
Skycrystal2005: this must make other people's blood boil.
Skycrystal2005: But I just feel frustrated, and it resolves to a quiet sigh and a shake of the head.
dev1779: i know what you mean
Skycrystal2005: And somehow, knowing that there is so much more to the eye and being able to recognize that makes me feel ... pardon me ... like a better person.
Skycrystal2005: Which makes me feel like these "journalists" ARE indeed simple people.
Skycrystal2005: Learning to accept and to be able to let go ....
dev1779: they are taking the easy position
Skycrystal2005: It's almost an art.
dev1779: and not stepping out at all
Skycrystal2005: Yeah, it takes courage to do that.
Skycrystal2005: that's why I sounded like I was overly simplifying them.
Skycrystal2005: But that's how I feel ... how simple minded.
Skycrystal2005: and I just feel a deep sadness for the victims.
dev1779: of course, we all feel that way
Skycrystal2005: Because what they're going through is 20 times worse than what I went through.
Skycrystal2005: It was bad enough how it unfolded for me,
dev1779: that's why most rape cases don't go to trial
Skycrystal2005: I just can't imagine how they're holding up.
dev1779: i can't fathom any of it
Skycrystal2005: And almost every rape victim that I know have gone through that sort of ostricism.
dev1779: and people talk about female empowerment as if its something thats only needed in the third world
dev1779: because we already have it or something
dev1779: at least that's the assumption
Skycrystal2005: While Americans are vehemently against the treatment of raped women in some countries, how are we different?
Skycrystal2005: You know how some women in other countries are persecuted for being raped?
Skycrystal2005: you know what I mean?
dev1779: yeah
Skycrystal2005: Well, it definitely seems like similar things are happening here as well.
dev1779: in some countries they're even killed
Skycrystal2005: yeah.
Skycrystal2005: But somehow, it seems that these things are escaping many people's attention in this country.
Skycrystal2005: It seems like there are other things more important on the agenda, but I really don't know what those things are.
Skycrystal2005: It almost seems like this agenda changes ever so often,
Skycrystal2005: thus it seems like there isn't really a core idea of what the "important things" really are.
Skycrystal2005: And while people teeter on what's "important," things that are seriously affecting lives are overlooked.
Skycrystal2005: We're all wasting time.
dev1779: come on, don't you know, the world is black and white
dev1779: everything about America is good and right and just
dev1779: and the rest of the world is evil
Skycrystal2005: But the thing about it is America doesn't exactly know what it wants.
Skycrystal2005: Again, there is not a clear agenda on what exactly it wants to change.
dev1779: well, there you go thinking outside the box
Skycrystal2005: It changes ever so often.
dev1779: the govt. doesn't want that
Skycrystal2005: I just ... don't really understand how it's so clear to me, but not to many other people.
Skycrystal2005: And of course, I must be stating the obvious here.
dev1779: i think it is clear to a lot of people
Skycrystal2005: But sometimes, and tonight is one of those times, that I seriously feel it and not normalized and numb.
dev1779: they just don't know what to do about it
Skycrystal2005: Well, I wonder who is clear on that point.
Skycrystal2005: I wonder if those who are out there making noise about anything are clear on that point.
Skycrystal2005: Because they should probably be honest about their feelings.
Skycrystal2005: And no matter how much I write about these things on my own forum,
Skycrystal2005: it doesn't help much.
Skycrystal2005: and I feel like I'm wasting time and a lot of other people's lives just by continuing to think about it.
Skycrystal2005: And yes, like other people who feel the same way I do, I don't know what to do as well.
Skycrystal2005: While I wonder what best to do, lots of lives are destroyed and much of the world rots away,
dev1779: well, maybe you have a future in public policy
Skycrystal2005: all because of what?
dev1779: then you could have an effect
Skycrystal2005: All because of us being ... lost.
Skycrystal2005: and worst off,
Skycrystal2005: many of us would NOT admit that we are lost.
Skycrystal2005: Just because of face.
Skycrystal2005: It's Face vs. Lives .... And face actually won.
Skycrystal2005: How absurd.
Skycrystal2005: Meanwhile, my heart goes out to all those who are suffering due to this ... I don't even have a word for it. Tragedy sounds too Shakespearean/romantic.
dev1779: all about image
dev1779: that western society for ya
Skycrystal2005: I'm sure it's true for many societies as well.
Skycrystal2005: But being in the US,
Skycrystal2005: I will talk about the US, I suppose.
Skycrystal2005: I have this quiet kind of sadness.
dev1779: uh huh
Skycrystal2005: I don't know how I would be able to do anything even though I see a problem.
Skycrystal2005: It's quite bothersome.
Skycrystal2005: I actually reallly really don't want to live in such a pathetic world.
Afterword:
Don't get me wrong. I love this world. But there are so many things that need to be done. I am personally irritated (to say the least) to see that those that are supposedly "leaders", who are supposed to know more, who we trust and rely on, are lost. The important things in life are being obscured. Meanwhile, who is paying the price too high? It's us.
Posts
2 comments :
From Mary:
This blog brought a deep sadness as I was reading...I will choose not to save face and let others know that sadly I was a victim of Rape...Yes, I said it...a four letter word, that I can barely utter. Yet, through my experience I have been able to reach out to other victims and have transitioned into a SURVIVOR...I believe that had I not gone through this experience, I would not have the knowledge I have about the devastating aftermath of this kind of trauma. I will stand up and I will speak out...There will be no more silence from me about this. I do realize that there is a time to suppress this and the feelings just to merely survive the day at times. I am honestly disturbed about the legal system and how they don't take things to trial. In my case, they told me it was because of two guys against one girl and that would override my statements in court. However, I am a woman of courage, resiliency, and strength and I was not given the chance to go to trial. So, I faced multiple injustices. With the help of friends and support, I have been able to grow out of the deepest pain. But, I will never forget and that is what bothers me most. I will choose to use this experience to advocate for others, and with that maybe a change can be made. The most important question that still remains at this point is "What can society do to make a change?" As a whole, we need to unite for this cause and shed more light on the devastating impacts of the aftremath of this sort of TRAUMA.
I will stand with my head held high and show that my revenge is being successful. I feel broken at times but I am healing and gaining strength through the process.
The price is too high, I agree Lainey! Many women sometimes cannot heal the scars that are left and will not report because of the knowledge that the legal system (those we are to trust) does not do a good job with this type of crime. I am utterly disgusted by this and saddened!
To everyone who has been a victim of rape...I will be praying for your journey of healing and that you will find the strength to go on...do this in your own way!
My reply to Mary's comment:
Thank you, Mary, for your courage to tell your story.
I am bothered by the fact that women are being ostricised for things that are obviously not their fault. Regardless of the circumstances, when a woman's space -- including her body -- is being intruded, the fact is just that: she has been victimized. There shouldn't be doubt to credibility or anything. The fact is right there before the eyes. It's rather simple, really.
I think that it's unacceptable that women are being viewed as "minority" even though roughly half the global population is female. That, in its core, reflects something ... well, not quite right. I find it ridiculous that many women -- in this case, American women -- must be worried about their safety when they are alone. They cannot enjoy the simple pleasures of taking a walk on their own without the concern or even fear of being preyed on. Of course, walking alone at night is dangerous for men as well, but the concern is far different and runs much deeper for women. And -- heaven forbid! -- when misfortune happens, women have no one to rely on to seek justice. For a lack of a better term, you're basically doubly screwed for being female (many times it's way worse being women of color).
Many women dislike the idea of having someone -- particularly a man -- walk them home. They feel that it speaks badly about their strength, as if having a man, or anyone, walk them home makes them look weak, and shows that they can't be independent enough to protect themselves. The truth is, WHY RUN THE RISK JUST BECAUSE OF FACE? It takes a strong woman, a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, who knows her self worth, to accept help from others with the understanding that the help received HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH how strong or independent you are, thus not be offended when help is offered -- especially by a man.
Girls, don't be stubborn. Be who you are -- and be comfortable with it -- and that means if you KNOW there is risk involved with walking home alone or doing other things that can enhance the risk factors of being assaulted (or just having unpleasant things happen to you), then don't be foolish enough to deny help. When you need help with homework, you ask your teachers or tutors without hesitation. Then how is this any different? Accepting help only shows that you value your life, and you are an intelligent and reasonable person. Your self-worth is what YOU make of it. Your life is what YOU make of it.
... And you are beautiful.
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