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Ever wonder why we -- or anyone else -- fight?
It's because we are scared.

When you and I fight, it's because you're scared to open up, and I'm scared that you aren't opening up because you don't care/want me. The more you clam up, the more I try (because I care). The more I try, the more you evade the issue. The more you do that, the more frustrated I become. The more frustrated I get, the more frustrated you get. The more frustrated we become, the more explosive our fights are.

Here's where we divide:
I wanted to figure out WHY we fight. I wanted to fix it.
You felt that there is no bottom to it. It's easier to just say that I have a temper problem. You don't want to straighten it out ...

... because we are not in a committed relationship (but what about friendship? isn't understanding us important for being friends, too?). And we actually never asked each other what "commitment" means to us. What I think of it is first and foremost "valuing the other person and not taking he/she for granted." Time can always be negotiated. Emotional devotion can't.

You were so keen on being with me at the beginning because it was "easy." I was easy to manage -- you thought of a relationship as something to manage. And the way to gauge the quality and possibility of a relationship is by how easy it is.

But do you know why it was easy?
It was because we hadn't met our baggage, "Tara's pregnancy," yet.

No relationship goes on without fights for long. Those that haven't fought truly have not seen challenge yet.
You and I have seen battles because we haven't adequately addressed the challenge of common ground since you came back from Washington.

No inspiring relationship goes on without disagreements. Those that always agree have not been honoring their responsibility of showing the world to each other.

You and I have not seen things eye to eye because we are different and meant to be different. I have seen other sides, and I will always show you other sides. ... Or perhaps you don't want someone with a mind and experiences of her own?
(Ever wonder why you and Kelly didn't fight? 1) You WANTED it to work, 2) She didn't challenge you the way I do -- and youth of mind has something to do with it because, if she was not 21, but more like 25 or older and have seen a few more things, I'll bet you guys would not have seen eye to eye, too, 3) The circumstances and baggage weighed differently then vs. now.)

So, it really isn't just about me having a "temper problem." In fact, I don't. You know I don't -- be honest. I am a laid-back, open-minded person. But I couldn't help but to be particular, out-spoken and proactive -- in the end, even frustrated and angry -- because things were left unaddressed. You wavered on where I stood in your life, and you wavered on what kind of value you placed in me ... for months. Recall, it wasn't until fairly recently that you started voicing your feelings of "not being ready for a relationship."

It isn't fair to say that "we weren't meant to date". Surely, we are meant to be different, but that doesn't mean "we weren't meant to date." Actually, if you (... or us) were ever willing to address the baggage and the concerns that came with it earlier on, things would never have gotten as bad. Even though we don't see eye to eye, I actually understand you quite a bit more thoroughly than most. I could tell your mood just by the noise frequency of your rocking chair since the beginning -- and it wasn't just out of habit.

So, you might as well just have told me you aren't interested in me and had just wanted the sex.

Speaking of sex, it also isn't fair to rebuttal with "Come on, you liked it, too." Of course, I liked it ... but you knew I liked it only because I thought I was with you. If we were just friends, if I had known that you weren't really interested in me, you KNEW I would not have continued to sleep with you. You have known all along that I'm not that kind of girl. Why would you say such a thing as "come on, you liked it, too"?

What hurt me isn't just because you are not interested in me (which is synonymous to "commitment"). It's because you were not interested, but you still wanted to stick around for the sex, the intimacy, the "good stuff" ... but with none of the work. You're a farmer/gardener. You should know that if you actually have to tend the garden at least every once in a while and have the right attitude about the garden to get any fruit out of it later. You can't cheat the garden, just like you can't expect to get the best of me 1) with no problem, and 2) for it to last. This is what I mean by "taking me for granted."

What I want is for you to recognize and understand (if you don't, it's fine to ask -- provided that you actually want to understand). I don't expect you to understand everything -- or be willing enough to understand everything. But I think we can agree to at least some things. I value you, and it is important to me (and our friendship) for you to understand that this hurt me and why.

Please think about it. Talk to me.