Only Apathy for his Charade

Wow. I went to bed super early last night: 10:30pm. I think my body really appreciated that.

I also got a phone call from my ex today (on my parents' cell, which I told had told him not to call, which I happened to pick up). He asked me for my new number so he could "talk" to me (what was he gonna do if my mother had picked up? ask her for it? Fat chance! And not regular fat; more like blubber!). He also asked me why I hate him. Why would someone who doesn't love you, or have any regard for you, care about why you hate him? How unnecessary.

Well, I've got to say that I don't "hate" him; I just have very strong dislike for him. But, of course, if he doesn't know why he is being strongly disliked, then there's really no point in me saying anything. Of all the times that I've tried to talk to him, to tell him exactly what he wants to know now, even to reconcile, it never worked. He never respected what I had to say. So what's the point now? It's not like what I say now would mean any more to him than it did before. Everything that I say now will be exactly the same as 3 months ago. So now all I have for that question is apathy. And funny how I still believe what I told him 3 months ago. You know what his mother advised me? "You might regret what you say later." Haha! Oh, please. That's laughable. It is true in some cases, but when the truth is as blatant as how her son has treated me, I'd actually regret NOT saying anything.

He also asked me why I can't be mature enough to talk to him or see him. You know, talking or not talking to him really has nothing to do with maturity; it's just a personal decision. And for the fact that I can make my own decision that doesn't harm anyone else, I am a mature person. No one will be hurt by this decision of mine, so why not just let me be?

He's apparently bothered by the fact that our mutual friends might have to choose between who to hang out with. See, the mutual friends who really ARE friends don't have to choose between the two of us; they'll understand that I don't want to see him. No sweat there. After all, it really isn't that big of a deal -- we aren't in high school anymore.

So, really, what's the big deal? Why did he have to call me -- to make such a big deal out of virtually nothing? Other than a memory or two, there really is nothing between us anymore. There is nothing to commemorate, there is nothing to talk about, there is nothing.

He practically shat me out of his life to make him feel better. So wipe it clean, flush me down, and let me go. Stop expecting that I will care to explain why I won't speak to him. Stop trying to tempt me to speak up, using words like "mature" when the word is just too big for him to use because he doesn't know what it really means.

Stop the charade.