This is Why

[This is why I was on your profile.]

The obvious truth (to me) is that I haven't been able to let go. Even though I am moving on, I haven't been able to let go of the part of me that I need to leave behind -- you.

For better or for worse, even in hate instead of love, even in anger instead of affection, even though you are toxic to my heart, at least you, as part of me, are still alive.

The love I gave you continues to be my cocoon. Even if I am bound, even if it is excruciating, like bound feet, my bones crush and deform, my spirit bend, my instinct is to keep my cocoon, my one and only cocoon.

And I want to let out a cry: "I miss who you were to me! I miss who we were to each other!"

You see, I never wanted to lose you. And I never wanted to lose myself.

But I can't.
How can I let you know my frailty? How can I let you know where and how to come in? How can I let you conquer me when you have already taken so much you don't deserve -- pillaged my treasures with brute ignorance?

I can't?
How would I wake up and look myself straight in the eyes in the morning mirror, knowing that you know what I don't want to know?

I owe myself dignity, and I promised myself more.

So now I just have to wait and hope for the next day and the day after that and the one after that might bring freedom and relief, a day when I can shed the cocoon that is you.