Bubbles

Today, I finally got fed up with several on-going annoyances that I took it out by writing a terrible critique on the movie, Zeitgeist.

It started with reading about astrology, then the reading of the zodiac, which reminded me of the movie's beginning.

But the idea was that Nora showed me the movie, and I have been annoyed with Nora. I have been annoyed by her constant reminder of "you're not strong enough yet," or "I'm a couple of years ahead of you," or other remarks to, in effect, "put me in my place."

Ideas and understandings that I have, she would take credit for, as if she had forgotten they came from me, the one who's "not strong enough yet" or the one who's "a couple of years behind."



First, I am sorry that whatever that I wrote offended you. It wasn't meant to be that way. I didn't have your interest or your detriment in mind.

Second, you know what? Yes, I am in a poopy mood.

I am in a poopy mood because I feel something in my life right now is stifling. I feel the annoyance of 1) long being used as something to validate others' selves and 2) having my "problems" stereotyped. And try not to over-process what I state here. Try to just take it for what it is.

Truly, in Eckhart Tolle's words, I could just be trying to maintain my ego. But then again, if that's the case, then I'd rather own up to my ego than not. Because at least then, I will have something to deconstruct.

I am tired of being told that I'm just a 25-year-old who doesn't know any better. I am tired of being assumed that I "just" started my life, that I "just started this journey." The fact of the matter is I started my journey a long time ago. I came into this world "knowing," as a conscious being. I did not spend the earlier years of my life wasted in the idle world of city-life. I LEARNED in the city. I OBSERVED human life. And I reflected on my own. I realized the art of gentleness, of harmony, of learning and listening, of patience, of silence, of yielding, of being strong when weakness is expected of me, of not being indignant to seem timid and humble despite the demand of the world around me for a "strong woman." But what is a strong woman? To me, a strong woman is one who does not confuse her outer appearance with her inner self. Women -- people -- like that change others and the world quietly ... with poise. I strive to be one.

What I don't understand is why all I have heard for so long is either 1) be more gentle, 2) be stronger, or 3) you're just not there yet. It irks me that I have yet to meet a person that tells me anything in between. Perhaps what they don't know is that my strength is what they don't see ... perhaps they are too absorbed with their "strength" that they need to tell others how weak they are to validate their strength. Or perhaps these are only values that people who live in between and amongst different countries and racial cultures will understand.

I am also irked that my "problems" are being stereotyped. Just because I am Chinese and female doesn't mean that my "problems" are only due to traditions or that I've long been oppressed as a female or whatever the hell people come up with. I am tired of explaining over and over again that the reality of culture is a fluid concept -- culture and tradition, like everything else, change. Even though stereotypes is how people make sense of their reality, they must take their own stereotypes with a grain of salt and not force it down my throat by diagnosing my "problems" with their stereotypes (ego).

It's finally starting to annoy me that people will not see me for who I am: an individual with depth and layers, with a rich and unique set of experience that brings to the table what they have never seen before.

I would guess that this is why I am so irritated at the Zeitgeist movie: there is no in between, when the truth is most likely somewhere in between. It also stereotyped its entire audience as having problems that are caused by the extreme, such as the poisoning of religious believes and the media and the banking system. It tells its audience one extreme and conveniently omits the subtle, nuanced things that make reality what it is. See, the more complicated a matter, the more likely that reality is "in between." So for the most part, I maintain my stance that Zeitgeist has taken too much "artistic freedom" at the expense of facts. But then, I guess the presentation of facts is much easier without footnotes, and I'm sure the writers have figured that out, too.

However, it is by no means an attempt to paint a picture of you being a naive and easily-swayed member of the audience. I'm sure you did your share of filtering. What happened was just there's more in the movie that you found useful than I did.

I am sorry that it offended you.