Born to Live

The fact of the matter is we all just gotta do what we want to do. That's the only way to do what we're made to do, which is to live.

I am just here to do what I was born to do: to live.

Someone told me that I should do something I have always wanted to do and love it. Essentially, it is to do what I love and love what I do. What have I always wanted to do? There are so many things, I don't even know where to begin.

He told me that I should do what my natural gift calls for.

Well, even though finding it is (at least) half the fun, sometimes I just wish I'd know the secret to my "natural gift." Where the hell is the instruction manual when I need it?? Well, I guess if finding it is half the fun, then that's why all kids love scavenger hunts. Besides, it gives everyone something to bitch about in life, I suppose. At the very least, it's something to talk about over coffee or a drink.

"Yeah, so how's the search, man?"
"Oh, it's not really going at all. I mean, what the hell is a 'natural gift' anyway?"
"It's ok. Here, let me buy you a shot."

I imagine a conversation to go that way ... the everyday bitchin' about "The Search."

If you've ever eavesdropped on women's conversations, you'd hear all about The Search. Men in the audience, haven't you sat in a restaurant when your date is in the bathroom patching up her make up, and you listening to the ladies sitting at the table next to yours on their girls' night out?

It's always along the lines of "So? Well, what's the scoop? Who have you been dating?" or "How's Aaron/John/Joe Schomo?" with a wink.

Then, you'd hear something like this in reply: "He's really a sweetheart. But I don't think he's the one. Something's just ... missing. I'm looking for someone who listens to me, you know? Someone who'd really understand."

And then the sisterhood would express their amens with a syrupy "tsk, awww," a sympathetic pat on the back, and then a drink of their Chardonnay.

You see, everyone is on The Search. It's almost like a TV show, if you think about it. Even when you know you never find things when you look for it, it doesn't really matter. Whether it works for you or not, we're all still looking for something. The only slight bit of difference is that some people prefer to actively initiate a search party, while others prefer to just sit and wait -- both reasonable methods. But one way or another, The Search is on. It's interesting to think about how I am, just as you are, a character on something like an extended version of the soap opera, The Young and the Restless.

I suppose I've been sitting around and watching a lot, be it in real life or on TV, for amusement and reflection. When I look inward at myself, as much as I'd like to say that I'm not "looking for anything," I really am. The fact that I'm here in Bend says something. But I'm not here to look for myself, necessarily. It's something else.

Upon my question of "What are you looking for," a friend of mine generously answered "learning everyday. Evolving. I am what I practice."

It made me think.

I told him that I am just looking for MY way to live. I am just looking for my own wave to ride. It's really just as simple as that. Perhaps that speaks a little bit to everybody's object of desire in The Search.

I guess when I think about it -- and I have been thinking about it quite a bit -- I am unlike my friend in that I am not looking for evolution, nor am I looking for change. I am not seeking those things not because I fear them. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Evolution and change have been quite the staple in my life. They are my constant. I am not searching for waves in the ocean, as the ocean already has many waves, it is clear that there are waves. I am looking for MY wave.

To those that say, "Be prepared for change," I smile. The fact of the matter is we are all in a sea of change. We have always been in a sea of change. It's like saying, "Be prepared to swim" when we're all in the water already. Truly, the only way to be prepared for change is to BE the change. Make it a part of your life. That's the only way.

We are all born to live, and to live is to change.
But will you change to live a life that you were born to live? Will you continue The Search for YOUR wave to ride and yours only?

To be or not to be.
Perhaps Hamlet was correct; it continues to be the question.