A New Earth

After reading the chapter titled, "The Pain-Body" ...


Mark,

You know what my ego (or false sense of self) is?
It is that "I am not."
It is everything that I am ... with a NOT in front of or behind it.

Like the joke that kids who grew up in the 90s always liked to say:
"You’re totally cool ... [wait for it] ... not!"

And the funny thing (or not so funny?) is that I’ve always known. I’ve always been conscious of that "other voice." Oh, wait ... I meant my parents’ voice. The interesting thing is that, though I’ve always known, I have not done anything definitive to silence it because it has been the only known set of lenses in my life through which I could make sense of the world.

My lenses, or value system, were basically built upon what my parents have laid before me and what my parents’ parents have laid before them. My predicament not only has to do with my sense of self-worth; it has hindered my ability to create a clear "inner picture of outer reality" with the least amount of distortion (Tolle 132).

But, really, without my parents’ and grandparents’ value system, where would I be now? Where would I have started and how? Without a "pain-body" and a heavily family-influenced ego, would I know to change? Would I know to grow?

Albeit strange-sounding, I must say that I am thankful for these lenses and this pain. They have taught me, amongst many things, patience, perseverance, and the ability to find grace even in the ugliness of pain, the beauty of life even in ashes. Even though my parents treat me the way they do, I am still eternally grateful for having the opportunity to experience it because ... now I know. Really. No joke.

Pain-bodies and egos hurt, yes, and they can do a lot of damage. But they gave me a place to start. They brought me right here, right now.

None of this is good or bad. All of this is just IS.

It just means that it’s time to let go, is all. It means, in this ocean of waves, I have learned to swim well enough and am ready to find MY wave to ride.

So thank you, Mark, for showing me that it is a time to give thanks and to put forth what I am thankful for into making a new future.

Much Love,
Lum Lum