Better Place

It feel so good just to talk. You have no idea how good it is to just let everything out and be comfortable because I can speak my mind -- and not have negative, even violent, reprecussions.

It's so easy to fall into the habit of hiding my feelings, to turn memories off, to have the fighter instinct and pretend that I'm stronger than I really am inside ... especially when those are the survival skills that I've developed since I was a little kid.

I guess sometimes it's just hard to put my questions and fears on the table. It's not easy to show that I have worries, that I have the feelings that I have, that I am not a rock, I'm not sensible all of the time because I am also made of flesh and blood, the stuff that makes me human and makes me feel joy, anger and pain.

But all of these walls I built around myself, at first for security, are now working against me. I don't need to fend for my safety anymore. I don't have to fight like I used to. I don't have to curl up in a fetal position and rock myself to sleep at night.

I am in a better place now. I'm safe. And I'm not alone.