Swwon

It's 1:14am on a Saturday morning.

I'm in Brian's office, (trying to) study for my finance test tomorrow, while he sleeps next door with Arthur.

All is quiet, leaving an echo from my iTunes playing a medley of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and What a Wonderful World by Aeslin Debison.

I'm alone, reading. But I don't feel alone. I know he's next door ... 10 feet -- or a breath -- away ... always ready to hold me tight.

How lucky am I to have that? How many people can say that they feel safe physically and emotionally exactly where they are -- not later, not at another place, but here and now? How many people can say that they are so at ease to trust someone not to judge them for how they look, act, feel, or speak ... and just be?

That sounds so dramatic and incredibly mushy (yes, Nor, in YOUR words, haha!), but, you know, after floating around and being kicked around for a while, what's simple and cliche becomes life. You finally learn how to recognize the good things and how to be thankful. You learn to savour even the littlest, tiniest parts of what you're grateful for ... every look, every scent, every contour of his face, every squeeze of the hand or sound of his footsteps or likes and dislikes ... because you know each moment passed will never come back, as if you're racing with time (such is life). And because of that, you want to be right there with him as much as you can to care for him, shield him, hold him, heal him and grow with him. You learn that, when you're blessed with something beyond your realms of expectations and rational calculations, you need to hold on to it tight (just not too tight) because once you let go, you may never find it again.

At the same time, you know that even if things don't work out in the end, you'll still be thankful it happened despite all kinds of pain because, for ever more, you'll know how love feels like ... that it is more than just the oxytocins in your brain bouncing back and forth between receptors, but a hand that grips your heart at every beat to remind you you're alive, a guiding spirit that, not only reminds you of who you are, but also makes you want to be a better person each passing moment you're with him.

I'm smiling today and everyday since I've been with him because, well, he makes me happy.