A Short One

I'm bored. Something happy and exciting definitely needs to happen.

Commitment on a Starbucks Coffee Cup

I read this on a Starbucks cup today in econ class:

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life." ~ Anne Morriss

My commitment is to my family and friends, community/social improvement, learning, and, last but not least, myself.

What's your commitment?

Class Schedule

So pre-req classes between 6/19 and 8/10 as below:

Accounting MTW 8a-9:50am
Economics MTWR 10:30a-12:30p
Statistics Tuesday 6p-9:30p
Saturday 9a-2p
Finance (starts 7/22)
Saturday 9a-5:30p
8/7 6p-9p
8/9 6p-9p

THAT means I have Monday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons and nights off and Fridays OPEN.

Plans Plans Plans ... and I'm just so excited!

Ok, I've got my transcript ordered, the letters of recommendation are on their way, my applications and essays are in along with my resume, now I just need my GRE.

AHHHHH! THE GRE!!! (and then the FAFSA)

I'll also be registered for pre-requisite classes soon. I just need to figure out if I should live on campus for the pre-reqs or not. But I'll definitely be moving into a studio in August.

Yay!!! And in 14 months, I'll have my masters degree in international management with specialization in sustainability! I'll be working my ass off during the 14 months (I just put together a preliminary schedule for June to October, which will be my first term ... it's hellish), and volunteering at Mercy Corps on Mondays (if I can physically afford to), and CLIMBING!!!! (my goal is to climb outdoor in mid-August, by the way!)

I'll work a few years (maybe overseas), and then I might finally join the Peace Corps to assist in business development (small business or NGO) work for countries in need!!

Who knows what comes after! I'll deal with it when it comes!

Core II

This is my core group that I know will support me and are the closest to my heart (with immediate family in mind already). Not in any particular order:

1. Devlin
2. Emily
3. Valerie
4. Tracy
5. Ashley
6. Nora
7. Steffany
8. Natasha
9. Phil
10. Giovanni
11. Mary
12. Will
13. Brian
14. Mark

Rant

Being poor is one of my pet peeves. I hate it. It makes me cranky, puts me in a bad mood, and makes my sore back even more sore.

As I go on with life, I find more and more things to be annoyed over, it seems. It's very bad. You know, like certain kinds of weather, food, dumb people with their dumb jokes, words and demeanor, fashion-sins, how my quilts feel with my sheets, direction the toilet paper is placed, the toilet cover isn't down, noisy eaters, tap on the shoulder, pens of a certain weight, a traffic light too long .... Not to mention the things that should be on everyone's mind, like wars, poverty, natural disasters and stuff.

No wonder why my back got worse as the years go by.

A Note

You know what I don't like?

Smug, egotistic boys that really don't know very much about ... anything.

And I will tell them off like they never have before.

Change of Address

All right, kids, ladies and gents.

I have a new address. Ask me for it if needed.

Forgotten Treasures

I just found the study guide I made for INTL 240! Wow! I was pretty good! I guess I was actually pretty good at what I did. I was really good with the theories and stuff. I also found a letter my professor wrote for the UO registrar for something. He actually said that I was responsble and am one of the brightest students he's had in his 8 years of teaching. I have COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN about all of this stuff! It made me feel good.

Best Wishes

I always find unexpected things when I take things apart.

I've been packing and moving and such, and I found so much stuff that reminded me of someone I had share two years of my life with. I found the first Christmas card he gave me ... actually, the first card ever. It was sweet. It's amazing to think of how far we've come, and how far apart we've gone.

I know that he is happy: a proud homeowner, a successful career at what he's good at, a great boyfriend to a great girlfriend, has a loving family and caring friends ... I am so happy for him. I have never been so genuinely happy for him (not that I didn't try before).

I suppose it's because one must be love the present to embrace the past in order to be whole. I love the present (lots to work on, yes, but hey!). Now that I look back, I can actually smile and think, "Yeah, I wouldn't go back and do it again, but if it had to happen, I'm glad it happened the way it did."

To the boy that treated me the way I wish my dad treats my mom (sure, with a few things different, but ... you know what I mean), I am truly, sincerely happy for you. I am proud of you. And I wish you all of the happiness you deserve from the bottom of my heart!

Lucky

I've been moving. Moving is a pain in the ass.

By next Monday, I'm hoping to have in my apartment:
bed set
table
laptop
printer
bathroom stuff (so that I can just start living there)
shower curtains
lamp
kitchen knives (yeah, me with knives ... scary, eh?)
toaster oven
rugs
last bit of laundry

My mom will make me the window curtains. She's also interested in getting me a new toilet seat and vinyl for the bathroom floor. Awww, she so sweet.

And my dad's been helping, which is very nice of him.

My friends have been amazing -- volunteering themselves and such.

... I'm a lucky girl.

To Continue My Series Regarding Treatment of Women

Yes, I have more. This is another reply to Mary J., who left me a comment for my blog, "The Price to Pay".

Mary,

I just replied to your comment.

I must thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really think that women MUST give each other support because, really, the giving of support to women is a rather new concept in the society ... even an alien one. Though sappy, I think deep down, girls need to hear that they are and can be strong and beautiful and loved, mostly because there is so much negativity that runs through us on a daily basis. Not that I'm a feminist (which there isn't anything wrong for being one), but I am just a big proponent of providing support to those who are in need of it. I mean, if men need support in any way, they deserve it, too. I believe that men need support in many ways as well: the societal and self-imposed expectations can be very detrimental to the mind! The core of the idea in a more essentialistic and philosophical sense is that life is not easy to begin with, so why should we make it any harder for each other by not giving others the support they need? But in this society in this day and age, support and advancement for women is so far behind where it should be (in my opinion and standards) that I believe it hinders the overall advancement of the global society as a whole! When women are not valued as they are worth, it heightens mortality in children, it lowers agricultural production and other economic values, it widens and deepens the problem of AIDS and other diseases both curable and non-curable, it weakens the link of academic and creative thought due to a lack of/discouragement of fresh perspectives, ... it just stifles so much of the potentials the world has in general.

All in all, I really think that there is much to be done. How? I have no idea. But at least I have outlined certain OBVIOUS AND BLATANT issues here that more people should be aware of. There really isn't anything abstruse and convoluted. The problems are there for everyone to see. Perhaps it is that we need to be reminded of them more often for it to stick ....

Spread the word. :)

The Price to Pay

Foreword:
This is a conversation (well, more like me venting) I had with a good friend of mine after reading an article about therecent rape case at Duke University in the Living section of the Sunday Oregonian.

Skycrystal2005: Yeah, uh, I just read somethin disturbing, so I'm kind of out of it.
Skycrystal2005: Well, nothing personal, really. Just hte newspaper.
Skycrystal2005: About the Duke case.
Skycrystal2005: The lacrosse team's rape case?
Skycrystal2005: It shows some disturbing facts about this country.
dev1779: yeah i know
dev1779: though I think its about western society as well
Skycrystal2005: The worst "journalists", however, seem to be in America.
Skycrystal2005: To have people like Rush Limbaugh and Tucker Carlson jump on the instance and call the victim a "ho" and other names really shows how simple they are.
Skycrystal2005: How foolish.
dev1779: Rush Limbaugh is in idiot
Skycrystal2005: I don't understand how they would think calling people names like that would make them "cool".
Skycrystal2005: I'm assuming that's what they are aiming for because that's what the junior high kids do.
dev1779: I don't know if its about being cool
dev1779: they're blind and chauvinistic
Skycrystal2005: Well, I'm saying that their behavior brings to mind junior high kids who don't know any better.
dev1779: i can understand the link you're making
Skycrystal2005: It's like they had just learned those words and thought it'd be fun to say it.
dev1779: but I think its important not to oversimplify
Skycrystal2005: Because they know it would get a reaction.
Skycrystal2005: from their audience.
dev1779: yeah
Skycrystal2005: it's kind of puzzling. So embarrassing.
dev1779: they aren't stupid
Skycrystal2005: they have their potentials and talents, definitely.
Skycrystal2005: Being on TV and the radio ... to be in the spotlight ... isn't easy to handle.
Skycrystal2005: Then again, perhaps they ARE simple in certain ways.
Skycrystal2005: To judge people like that ... it is so easy to do to just jump on the bandwagon.
Skycrystal2005: and that really strikes a chord with me, because I've watched people around me jump on the bandwagon to point fingers at me when things happened to me.
Skycrystal2005: It was frustrating, definitely, and heartbreaking to a certain point.
Skycrystal2005: but now that I've seen so much, all I can do is to shake my head and feel embarrassed for them.
dev1779: of course
dev1779: thats why it happens so often
dev1779: of course
Skycrystal2005: It's a strange sensation sometimes ...
Skycrystal2005: this must make other people's blood boil.
Skycrystal2005: But I just feel frustrated, and it resolves to a quiet sigh and a shake of the head.
dev1779: i know what you mean
Skycrystal2005: And somehow, knowing that there is so much more to the eye and being able to recognize that makes me feel ... pardon me ... like a better person.
Skycrystal2005: Which makes me feel like these "journalists" ARE indeed simple people.
Skycrystal2005: Learning to accept and to be able to let go ....
dev1779: they are taking the easy position
Skycrystal2005: It's almost an art.
dev1779: and not stepping out at all
Skycrystal2005: Yeah, it takes courage to do that.
Skycrystal2005: that's why I sounded like I was overly simplifying them.
Skycrystal2005: But that's how I feel ... how simple minded.
Skycrystal2005: and I just feel a deep sadness for the victims.
dev1779: of course, we all feel that way
Skycrystal2005: Because what they're going through is 20 times worse than what I went through.
Skycrystal2005: It was bad enough how it unfolded for me,
dev1779: that's why most rape cases don't go to trial
Skycrystal2005: I just can't imagine how they're holding up.
dev1779: i can't fathom any of it
Skycrystal2005: And almost every rape victim that I know have gone through that sort of ostricism.
dev1779: and people talk about female empowerment as if its something thats only needed in the third world
dev1779: because we already have it or something
dev1779: at least that's the assumption
Skycrystal2005: While Americans are vehemently against the treatment of raped women in some countries, how are we different?
Skycrystal2005: You know how some women in other countries are persecuted for being raped?
Skycrystal2005: you know what I mean?
dev1779: yeah
Skycrystal2005: Well, it definitely seems like similar things are happening here as well.
dev1779: in some countries they're even killed
Skycrystal2005: yeah.
Skycrystal2005: But somehow, it seems that these things are escaping many people's attention in this country.
Skycrystal2005: It seems like there are other things more important on the agenda, but I really don't know what those things are.
Skycrystal2005: It almost seems like this agenda changes ever so often,
Skycrystal2005: thus it seems like there isn't really a core idea of what the "important things" really are.
Skycrystal2005: And while people teeter on what's "important," things that are seriously affecting lives are overlooked.
Skycrystal2005: We're all wasting time.
dev1779: come on, don't you know, the world is black and white
dev1779: everything about America is good and right and just
dev1779: and the rest of the world is evil
Skycrystal2005: But the thing about it is America doesn't exactly know what it wants.
Skycrystal2005: Again, there is not a clear agenda on what exactly it wants to change.
dev1779: well, there you go thinking outside the box
Skycrystal2005: It changes ever so often.
dev1779: the govt. doesn't want that
Skycrystal2005: I just ... don't really understand how it's so clear to me, but not to many other people.
Skycrystal2005: And of course, I must be stating the obvious here.
dev1779: i think it is clear to a lot of people
Skycrystal2005: But sometimes, and tonight is one of those times, that I seriously feel it and not normalized and numb.
dev1779: they just don't know what to do about it
Skycrystal2005: Well, I wonder who is clear on that point.
Skycrystal2005: I wonder if those who are out there making noise about anything are clear on that point.
Skycrystal2005: Because they should probably be honest about their feelings.
Skycrystal2005: And no matter how much I write about these things on my own forum,
Skycrystal2005: it doesn't help much.
Skycrystal2005: and I feel like I'm wasting time and a lot of other people's lives just by continuing to think about it.
Skycrystal2005: And yes, like other people who feel the same way I do, I don't know what to do as well.
Skycrystal2005: While I wonder what best to do, lots of lives are destroyed and much of the world rots away,
dev1779: well, maybe you have a future in public policy
Skycrystal2005: all because of what?
dev1779: then you could have an effect
Skycrystal2005: All because of us being ... lost.
Skycrystal2005: and worst off,
Skycrystal2005: many of us would NOT admit that we are lost.
Skycrystal2005: Just because of face.
Skycrystal2005: It's Face vs. Lives .... And face actually won.
Skycrystal2005: How absurd.
Skycrystal2005: Meanwhile, my heart goes out to all those who are suffering due to this ... I don't even have a word for it. Tragedy sounds too Shakespearean/romantic.
dev1779: all about image
dev1779: that western society for ya
Skycrystal2005: I'm sure it's true for many societies as well.
Skycrystal2005: But being in the US,
Skycrystal2005: I will talk about the US, I suppose.
Skycrystal2005: I have this quiet kind of sadness.
dev1779: uh huh
Skycrystal2005: I don't know how I would be able to do anything even though I see a problem.
Skycrystal2005: It's quite bothersome.
Skycrystal2005: I actually reallly really don't want to live in such a pathetic world.

Afterword:
Don't get me wrong. I love this world. But there are so many things that need to be done. I am personally irritated (to say the least) to see that those that are supposedly "leaders", who are supposed to know more, who we trust and rely on, are lost. The important things in life are being obscured. Meanwhile, who is paying the price too high? It's us.

What We Have Learned, We Have Unlearned

I wrote the blog on the Duke rape case last night. After sleeping on it overnight, I am still frustrated at those that would cast judgement without knowing the whole story.

Sure, there is a law for freedom of speech; I understand that. But, you know, it's bad enough that we must have laws that say, "Hey, come on now. Let's not kill each other." It'd be quite pathetic if we must have laws that say, "Hey, when you see people down in the dumps, you AT LEAST don't go kick them or spit in their faces or call them names to ridicule them."

The US education system can be quite disappointing at times in certain aspects, however, I do have faith that they taught all of us at the on-set, at the beginning, in kindergarten that we must be courteous and decent to each other as human beings, as it is important for an orderly society. I am convinced that we have all been taught the essentials in life as youngsters.

Pet Peeves

I just wanna get it out there that I have certain pet peeves when it comes to guys ... and just people in general. So please, indulge me ... since it is, after all, my blog.

1. I don't like people who would joke about things that are sensitive. No, there is a line, albeit invisible, that divides things that can be joked about and those that cannot. For example, domestic violence. Enough said.
2. In social relationships, be it friends or romantic or whatever, you don't just flatter yourself by assuming that the other party is ready to talk about where the relationship is heading. You involve the other party in the discussion to determine whether they are ready to realize that they are or are not in a relationship and then you talk about the future of the relationship. This is just a simple organization of management. Furthermore, you DON'T confuse the inherent sweetness of a person to be the strong feelings for you that point to a committed relationship (or friendship) that you seek to avoid. Oh, come on. Don't flatter yourself. The nature of a relationship is active participation. Involve the other person. Don't just make assumptions that in the end will only make you look foolish.
3. So it's ok to make the mistake aforementioned (in no. 2) because relationships are just like that ... they are delicate balances, and they tend to tip over easily, especially with lack of experience. It's ok. But after you make that mistake, you might want to, first, realize that you have made a strategic error, and, second, seek counsel or somehow conjure up something to patch things up or at least to talk it over with the other party. I'm sure the other party will greatly appreciate it. But that doesn't mean it's ok to do the whole "Let's call the other person up when I'm half drunk and see if he/she wants to hang out so that we can be friends because I am gracious and open like that". No. The other party is NOT your entertaining monkey and is not -- and should not be -- ok with that.

Oh, just ... take heed.

The Difference

Val says, "Friends like you make me worth living for."

I'm sure she meant "friends like you make life worthy of living."

But really, that's like the best compliment ever from a friend.

I make someone's life worth fighting for. I make someone's life go on.

I make a difference.

Untouchable

Thanks, Nora! I'm gonna be an Untouchable who's unbreakable! Ooh, I love doing things on my terms!

Errr, so now what?

Well, so I just got a studio, but I need to fill it up with stuff.

And before I do that, I need to clean the place. I really want to wax the hardwood floor, but I wonder if I'm allowed to .... Yeah, I get picky.

I just found a 75 dollar deal on Craigslist for a queen size mattress plus boxspring. Good deal, you think?

I will also need a desk, you know, so that I can work.

I need some rugs for the bathroom.

WILL ACCEPT HAND-ME-DOWNS!

Wanted is also someone with a truck and muscles to help me (Mark and Brian? :-D ).

Good Riddance

Honestly, I wouldn't be who I am now and the better person that I'll be in the future if it wasn't for my friends and family ... my core, my support system. They have taught me so much ....

So to everyone out there, I want you to feel amazing. I want you to know that you CAN feel amazing if you let yourself ... no matter how dire the situation. And if you are in a dire situation, there are people who will help. Talk to them. Don't cage yourself in. Send me a message, if all things fail.

I want you to know these things:

Don't just think positive; act positive and believe. There is more to see than what you see with your eyes; feel. You will find your way. Don't expect. Just let go and ... be. Take it step by step; don't think too far ahead so that you don't get overwhelmed. Love the present to embrace the past in order to be whole. Let your spirit guide you -- oh, you have one; close your eyes and ear and logic to find it. Have faith in yourself and your support system (friends and family, loved ones, those who inspire you). If you think you don't have one, you are underestimating what your life means ... and you are an amazing person.

Last but not least ... give thanks. Be thankful to your guiding spirit, or God, or whatever your faith. Let others know that you are thankful by giving.

... and, of course, best of luck on all your endeavors.