Encouragement

Someone was very nice to send me this following message on MySpace. It's always nice to hear that my pain, joy and experience makes a difference. Thank you.


Date: Aug 31, 2005 4:17 PM

Subject: thanks

I read your blogs on love and loss and moving on, and they were illumating, inspiring, and truly moving. I've been going through heartbreak for the last several months, and your words are in some way comforting. the part about being forgotten really spoke to me. the same is true of your comments about the different ways in which we all move on, forget, hold on, hope and whatever else we do to ease the pain.
anyway, thanks for sharing that stuff with the world. I hope to summon the same kind of courage you have in order to confront my pain.
keep being real.
peace
D

Just a Thought

I want to learn how to be brave.

Emotionally Mixed Up

You love him, you hate him. You want the best for him, you don't wanna care about him. You wonder how he's doing, don't wanna know.

Some learn to let go completely, some never let go. Some hide it somewhere, some make peace with the person and have a healthy relationship. And many are in between.

And I ... I don't know where I'm at.

No matter how well-read you are, no matter how intelligent and smart you are, it doesn't help. You just gotta be wise and learn that the experience is what you will get after you need it, and hope that it will help you the next time.

Into the Lion's Lair (I Know What You Are Doing)

You know who you are, and I know what you're doing. I know you have offered me up to the lairs of your unforgiving -- and uninformed -- peers just to see me suffer. I know.

I am not afraid -- and have not been afraid -- to admit that I have wronged you. For that, I will be reminded for the rest of my life. I have not been afraid to admit that I have been miserable -- much to your satisfaction -- for the pain I have caused you and for the pain I have received from you. I also am not afraid to admit that your tactics to cause me pain have been successful to the fullest degree. I carry the burdens of guilt from the past, depression of the future, and hope for a better future, and I will admit that at times, I feel too weak for the task.

But are you unafraid to admit that you have wronged me, as I have admitted that I have wronged you -- with no "buts"? And do you have the courage to stop mangling my mind to make me feel I deserved to be tortured for the rest of my life (without so many words)?

Don't forget that you unleashed havoc upon me, too, and destroyed what was left of my dignity. I was angry, and I showed you unkind ways to shame. But I then realized that I was wrong, and the indignant way to put blame on a person is as destructive as to slea a part of his soul. I was and am sorry. And I never did it again and never will.

But you never realized. You showed no mercy, for mercy is not a part of your tactic against me -- indignation is.

I know for me to cut contact with you is to disappoint you because I would effectively put an end to your addiction of retaliation against me. But, see clearly, for I am giving you and me a new way to live. If I cannot mend for you what is broken, at least I will help you to a new start. This is my ultimate sacrifice for you -- to cut off an intimate part of me -- for you to start anew, for whatever it is worth to you. I try; I really try to make it right at least one last time out of love and respect for you and for me.

Now you know I know what you are doing. You have offered me up to the lion's lair, and urged the beasts on to rip me apart, while you cheered, hiding. But I will carry the wounds not a moment more because I believe not in your respect for me, for you have none, but in the best of you to do what is right before this addiction of hatred against me consumes your soul.

On Regret (aka. Singing Casey's Song)

Kids, I suggest that you never do anything you will regret, never do anything you know is wrong, never hurt anybody if you can help it, because whether it is entirely your fault, or what the entire story is, no one cares.

People will still talk about you badly behind your back, they will still hate you, they will still point fingers at you, they will still write defamatory songs about you, they will curse you 'til the end of time, wishing you will never see sunshine in your life every again, and they will not care what you have gone through to get to this point in life or why you did what you did. (Ever read Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter? Yeah, that's the idea.)

Life is unforgiving, and so are those around you. What is more is that you will be the most unforgiving out of all the people surrounding you. You will hate yourself and chastise your sanity away until it disappears. Your life and your future will start to wither away before your eyes because you will compare your life to those of others while you're down and depressed. You will feel hat you will never get to where they are.

All those things you know other people are sayign about you -- you will start to believe them. And you will feel valueless and worthless. There will be days when you are high on life, but then you'll crash at night. You will be glad that you're alive on some days, but it is the other days in between when you toss and turn and your insides twist -- that's when you will want to just disappear, or fall asleep and never to wake up, while reserving half a sliver of hope that God might have mercy on you and grant you a pleasant dream.

So if you're every tempted to do somethign you think you might regret, don't do it. Conversely, if you think you will regret not doing something, chances are, you are right.

Listening to Tink

Ever thought of what you can do in your life that will make you happy? Ever wondered what you are destined to do with your life? Ever had a tough time answering? I did.

But, one day long ago, I was studying about hte world at school of Model United Nations, when a little voice inside me said gently, like a snowflake falling on tops of roofs and trees, but surely, like a warrior on a mission that never looks back, "This is it," and it gave me the goosebumps.

The next class, I heard the little voice and got the goosebumps again, and the time after that, and the time after that.

That's how I knew I have to help change the world for the rest of my life to give me goosebumps, to make me happy, to shake me to tears -- to bring me alive.

(Wait. Listen. That little voice inside will tell you how your story goes.)