Into the Lion's Lair (I Know What You Are Doing)

You know who you are, and I know what you're doing. I know you have offered me up to the lairs of your unforgiving -- and uninformed -- peers just to see me suffer. I know.

I am not afraid -- and have not been afraid -- to admit that I have wronged you. For that, I will be reminded for the rest of my life. I have not been afraid to admit that I have been miserable -- much to your satisfaction -- for the pain I have caused you and for the pain I have received from you. I also am not afraid to admit that your tactics to cause me pain have been successful to the fullest degree. I carry the burdens of guilt from the past, depression of the future, and hope for a better future, and I will admit that at times, I feel too weak for the task.

But are you unafraid to admit that you have wronged me, as I have admitted that I have wronged you -- with no "buts"? And do you have the courage to stop mangling my mind to make me feel I deserved to be tortured for the rest of my life (without so many words)?

Don't forget that you unleashed havoc upon me, too, and destroyed what was left of my dignity. I was angry, and I showed you unkind ways to shame. But I then realized that I was wrong, and the indignant way to put blame on a person is as destructive as to slea a part of his soul. I was and am sorry. And I never did it again and never will.

But you never realized. You showed no mercy, for mercy is not a part of your tactic against me -- indignation is.

I know for me to cut contact with you is to disappoint you because I would effectively put an end to your addiction of retaliation against me. But, see clearly, for I am giving you and me a new way to live. If I cannot mend for you what is broken, at least I will help you to a new start. This is my ultimate sacrifice for you -- to cut off an intimate part of me -- for you to start anew, for whatever it is worth to you. I try; I really try to make it right at least one last time out of love and respect for you and for me.

Now you know I know what you are doing. You have offered me up to the lion's lair, and urged the beasts on to rip me apart, while you cheered, hiding. But I will carry the wounds not a moment more because I believe not in your respect for me, for you have none, but in the best of you to do what is right before this addiction of hatred against me consumes your soul.