e-Bomb, the fire cracker in a small package. e-Bomb, the philosopher. e-Bomb, the late bloomer staging her own life revolution. e-Bomb, the history watcher. e-Bomb, the lover. e-Bomb, the friend. Welcome to My World. Here's my story.
I am seriously considering living in Europe for a while. I love the culture and the languages. I'm very glad to be surrounded by lots and lots of international students, many of which are Europeans. I'm now learning French, German and Spanish AT THE SAME TIME. haha!!! If only I had met them earlier!! Damn it!
PS. The world is a hankerchief means it's a very small world.
So a week before I leave Hong Kong, I have two admirers. haha! This is very fun and certainly very funny.
I have 15 days until I get back to Oregon. This is my flight information!
Flight From To
AC Hong Kong (HKG) Vancouver (YVR)
April 10th @ 12:15pm April 10th @ 9:30am
-------transit-------
AC8123 Vancouver (YVR) Portland (PDX)
April 10th @ 11:15am April 10th @ 12:33pm
The Lions can go on sucking ass like they always have, with or without Harrington.
That's all I gotta say.
PS. Seriously, who in their right minds would "fire" a quarterback and make a big ruckus about how he isn't with the team anymore and sign new substitudes BEFORE finalizing paper work and procedures with head offices and making arrangements to trade or release him? That's just terrible tact, which only exaggerates how ugly their problem is. Wanna end your problems, Detroit? Well, pull your big head out of that fat anus of yours.
The world has been mean, so she has been scared to live. That's why she's spent her days thinking too much. She spent her days thinking, living ideas in her mind so realistically that she didn't need to live it in real life anymore.
And then she'd go on and wonder, "So what else is there to live for?" But she didn't realize she hasn't lived at all.
She's closed her eyes and lived in a dream when all else brushed her shoulders and moved and danced around her.
She sleep-walked to another room, then out the front door, to the neighbor's lawn and sat there ... for a long time. The midnight chill woke her, and she stared at the silver-studded night sky, marvelled:
"This is the sky! A velvet blanket so different from the ceiling in my dreams!"
And she heard the wind through the trees, smelt the scent of life in the grass, felt the dew through her pajamas, which stuck to her skin ...
and she breathed air, which filled her lungs
and her heart.
She looked back at her house and found it small and dinky and grey. Oh, and she had thought that it was the best place in the whole world not so long ago! Why, what has changed?
"I am out of the house. And I am living ... when I least expect it."
She stood up, brushed the grass off her PJ pants, stretched, and felt like moving. She saw the pavement flooded orange from the street lamps, and she thought,
"I want to put my foot on the pavement." And she did.
So she hummed, hummed, hummed a song and walked, walked, walked along the pavement into the night.
(MySpace tag)
Tracey, here's to you ... 6 weird things about me per your request.
1. I read books, and I like them. And I like reading multiple books at the same time that are of completely different genres and different languages (too bad I don't know more ... but I will!!). Like right now, I'm reading Chris Patten's Not Quite the Diplomat: Home Truths About World Affairs, 35x33: 33 Things to Do Before You Turn 35 (a Chinese book) and 1000 Most Important Words by Norman Schur, in which I learned that radar and laser are both acronyms, of "radio detecting and ranging" and "light amplification of stimulated emmision of radiation," respectively. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yay for learning.
2. I have weird dreams. No, no, not scrary ones, exactly -- maybe only once in a while. These ones I have, they just look like little adventures straight out of The X-Files. Examples: search for killer bees, dual with evil futuristic pirates on their spaceship, befriending moving statues, ... yeah, you name it.
3. Another note on dreams: they are sometimes bilingual, as in they would be in part Chinese, part English.
4. Have I told you about the jellyfish? Yeah, I have had jellyfish, and I like it. What about the raw oyster? No? Oh, well, that's pretty good with soy sauce. The sparrow's nest? Crab's brains? Frogs?
5. Some of you might know this already, but many people consider it weird. I love mice. I LOOOVE them. I think they are some of the cutest little creatures on earth, and I've had 13 pet mice at a time.
6. I have a thing about public bathrooms. I never sit on the toilet seat; I practice the invisible chair thing. I always make sure that nothing of mine touches the sink when I wash my hands. And I always open the door with a paper towel and make sure that my hand doesn't touch the door handle. Phobic? Maybe a little.
I didn't know,
but I guess losing someone can hurt that much.
It's like this jagged something down my throat. I can't really describe it, but it's there. Each time you swallow, you try to ignore it. But it's there.
"Happily ever after" doesn't happen all the time; in fact, it rarely happens.
I'm just sad that we can't even talk. We never could ... ever since I discovered that we had to over-extend ourselves to cover for each other.
But isn't that LOVE?
Maybe it is. I don't know. Is it still love if it suffocates and weakens?
I just wish that things weren't like this.
Half way around the world, moments like this come before work and after work for me when I was at my job in Hong Kong: my mood strung onto each tune, the melodies would take me far far away. Sometimes, to places where I have never been, sometimes, to places I am all too familiar, sometimes, to places that I could have gone, but never will, and at other times, to places that I will never return to. I would often look out the window on the train on the way home, and out of the corner of my eye, I would watch the reflection of my face change to the neon and chrome outside and each song I hear. I would think to myself, "So, is this it? This is life? If it is, then I screwed it up real bad." On the bad days, I would think to myself, I wouldn't care if I fell off the cliff. I wouldn't care if I died.
I would have to walk up a hill to get home each night. I loved walking up that hill at 11pm when no one was around, just me and the orange street lamps, with the road obsured by the midnight mist, the only time I would have to take a look at myself. And I would just stand there, while the silence washed all the memories to my eyes and spill, everything I had tucked away when I escaped by running half way around the world to stand here and be honest with myself: What do I want to do with my life? When am I actually going to start loving myself instead of looking for someone else to love me and make up for what I wouldn't do for myself? (yeah, and all the while, I wonder why I've got all these boy problems, huh?) When am I going to start coming out of the shadow that once was misfortune, but is now just an excuse for being scared?
I think I'm much better now. Turning 23 last week just made me think about moving onward. I have something to look forward to. I have friends, I have my family, I have lots to do in my life ... if I care about myself enough to do it. And I know being around people who are supportive and care about me will help me recover -- us living together will definitely help, not just me, but hopefully you, too. I don't think I ever completely recovered from everything since the beginning of college. I don't think people truly recover; it's just a matter of how we cope after we get so hurt. I think things were just a downward spiral since freshman year (you remember). It's been a long way to fall, and a longer way to climb back up, but ultimately, I'll get there.
No, I will write whatever I want and not be censored because I trust that I have good enough judgement not to defame anyone. I own my space of expression, which will not be subjected to scrutiny.
Even though I have made mistakes before, no, I don't deserve to wallow in misery my entire life, and I still deserve to be treated with respect.
No, I refuse to engage myself in back-and-forths of anger and hurt that lead to nowhere.
No, I will not harbor any mal-intent for those who treat me for less than what I deserve, but I will still give patience and good wishes to those who misunderstand me and my intentions.
No, I will not change but for my own will.
I am very very mad right now. But then again, I am not going to stay mad for long. I'm not going to torture myself with someone else's fault. I am not going to bother myself with someone else's actions that I will never understand. I am not going to entertain people who doesn't know what they're doing and why they're doing it.
It just baffles me when an ex tells me:
Hey, even though I told you a month ago that I love you and always will and that if things permit, we should get back together, because I don't want to lose you again, I feel that we shouldn't talk anymore because you remind me of the worst era in my life and I have started anew with someone else while I told you you meant the world to me.
No ill feelings at all, but kind wishes. Only it baffles me.
Because I know I never will understand, I'm over it.
NEXT, please!
Sunday: Gung Gung's place; Gung Gung was happy; pierced ears
Monday: Shopping in Causeway; met weird hair decor shopowner; went to Mah Mah's for dinner and TV.
Tuesday: Tea with 3Sum's mom and Mah Mah; hair cut.
Wednesday: Tea with 3 Sum's mom; had cake at work in Kai Hing; karaoke with Suk Ling Yee.
Thursday: Worked; learned how to ice skate.
Friday: Ice skating plan failed; went to St. Patty's party instead, where I met lots of people; Lan Gui Fong with people I just met and danced the night away until 5..
Saturday: home
Mmm, I've developed a taste for foreign boys. The kind that have dark hair and bright blue eyes, multi-lingual, intelligent and act like a gentleman, like the one I met last night.
It's in the mannerisms.
Keeps his physical distance,
Lets the lady go first,
Gently puts his hand on the small of her waist,
Doesn't yell and talks gently,
Smiles nicely,
Low-key,
Well-dressed,
open-minded.
Mmmmmmmm!
wow. I only have about 22 days until I go back to Oregon. I can't believe it. Time flies!!!
Oh, I forgot to tell you. I learned how to ice skate the day before yesterday. It was so much fun. And I met some nice people at the ice skating rink. I just love the fact that I'm learning and doing interesting things here and there to kick off a year that's hopefully going to be good.
Next on the list: surfing.
Hey, snowboarding and rock climbing, anyone?
Ahhh, St. Patty's Day. The international excuse for getting f'n trashed ... or just to have some fun in green.
And I, thanks to Steffany, went to a party ... the first party I've been to in Hong Kong. Yeah, the perfect excuse for the FIRST PARTY! It was an ok party. Lots of people ... lots of Europeans, Asians but even more Americans. It could have been something happening 16 hours later in California. It was strange to watch the Chinese students (all from the Mainland) though, to find their way to just spend a few moments talking to foreigners. They would approach at awkward moments, introduce themselves and sit themselves down all in one snipper attack motion. Kind of interesting that they showed up to the party just to "talk." Most of them don't drink alcohol and have never in their lives. Many didn't know what was obviously in the jello shot. And almost none realized that the foreigners wanted nothing but some drinks, ass, and lack of memory. Quite the interesting situation. However, I did meet a very nice couple of about 29 who would like to befriend me more than just to practice English, which was pleasant.
I also met a couple of Texans, Kummal and Morten, both MBA students. Kummal is 29 and seems to think that he can overcome my intentional "oblivion" to his moves by keeping at it, though it wasn't a bad and terrible kind of move. Morten, who's 31, is actually more fun than many 21 year olds. His middle name is THOR, which I think is very awesome. I also met Amber, from NC, who is 29 and is very pretty. She was wearing earrings that match my necklace, and we bonded from that point on out. Jaime, 20, is Canadian, but is from Seattle. She is crazy, and she likes dancing. She took 12 years of ballet, though she likes freak dancing and pole moves more. She seems to like partying with me, because I like dancing, too. She feels that I would be excellent on the pole, but we didn't get the chance to find out. Rene is 23 and is quite the gentleman in terms of manners from what I have seen. He is from Germany, though I believe his family is French. His first name is French. His last name, Didion, is French. He knows French. And he calls me Alain (sp?), which is the French version of my name. I love it! Now I have Elena, which would be Spanish and Italian, and Alain in French.
Including Steffany, all 7 of us went to the bar street. The kick off was a Flaming Dr. Pepper, then some other stuff I don't quite remember, but I didn't drink that much, I don't think. We danced and drank the night away until 5 am. Ahhh, so much fun!! Social interactions! I'm lovin' it!
So it was the day before my birthday (HK time), and I walked by a salon and thought to myself, "Elaine, it's time." So I walked in, told them I wanted a cut, sat down, chose my hair style and did it.
I cut my hair. I cut off 10 inches of the hair that I grew out for Locks of Love, a non-profit organization that accepts donations to make wigs for kids that lost hair due to health conditions. 10 inches.
I had it styled, colored, permed slightly to get a shape, and voila! I'm a hottie. hahaha!!!
Yeah, I also got my feet done. It's been a very productive day.
PS. This is quite the "Asian haircut." I have never felt so Asian before.
I'm turning 23 on Wednesday, and I decided I'd do something new, something exciting, something ... um, life-changing.
So I went and pierced my ears ... finally, after 22 years.
I think if I don't find the right job soon, I'm gonna cave and apply for a manager training program at Abercrombie and Fitch. And who knows? Maybe I won't even get hired THERE.
yeah, what to do what to do.
Just so you know,
I have a mouse fetish. I miss my mice, and I want to have another mouse again ... one day.
Ok, exciting news:
1. Saturn is prime real estate for the next few millennia, possibly with low water bills. Sign me up!
2. We are having an Austin Powers Party on the 14th of April as a warm and beligerent homecoming event for Elaine Szeto and Tracey Johnson, courtesy Annie Seroyer and Barret ... uh, the B-Rabbit!! Details to be confirmed.
3. We are possibly having another party on the 21st of April!! Details to be determined.
4. These two events will officially kick off the 2006 Elaine and Tracey Get-Me-Drunk-a-Marathon!
I decided to do something about my life ... the fact that I have not exactly finished my degree yet. I am missing 7 credits, including a multicultural credit (how dumb) and science credit. I am also missing a business Finance credit, which, depending on how things go, I may or may not take it.
I have no f'n clue how to fund these credits, and I have no idea how to take them in Eugene, but I just know that it needs to be done ... about f'n time.
I don't know what's going to happen, and it doesn't feel good not to know, but we'll see. I've contacted someone at the U of O who can help me.
It's about time that I faced demons from the past ... and take care of them.
How am I?
Ok, I'm closing in on the final month of being in Hong Kong, still out of a job, still short of a degree, still unemployed and dependent on the parental units, still single, still haven't found the one who's "exactly like me ... except in a guy" and definitely not in love with anyone, still in debt, still the same person that I am -- haven't exactly upgraded into sainthood yet, as many people have told me living abroad would do the trick -- approaching the age 23 with seven days left, which means I'm another year older, another year spent, another year less for the future .... Yeah, the morale is a little low at this point, but ...
... if living means all of the above, while dying means none of it, if anything at all, then I'm very glad to be here, at least for the opportunity to share all of this with you.
It's like playing "Where is Carmen San Diego?" the game ...
... but with way higher stakes.
Where are you, friend? I am worried about you. Your brother is worried about you. I'm sorry if I made too big of a deal to find you, but it's important to me, and it might be even more important to you if anything has happened.
I am so sorry about everything that has happened in the past. The past ... that word is so easy to say. Yes, the past lingers and haunts. But no, it doesn't linger and haunt forever ... if we decide to go on for a little longer to see what comes next, it'll be a better day!
We love you. Each and every one of us care. You know that ... you KNOW that. So let us take care of you.
Put down your pride, if that's what it is. We already know you can take care of yourself, but we just want to take care of you right now.
Put down your fear, if that's what it is. We already know you can be strong, and you already know we don't judge. We have no right to judge because we need the same support from you for the inevitable falls.
Put down your sorrow, and I know that's what it is. We know it hasn't been easy.
Sometimes, "Monopoly" can be an easier game to play (than "Where is Carmen San Diego?" in this case). You just have to assess your investments for the proper returns. ... You have made your investments; now reap your returns.
So what do you have to lose now to come to open arms?
I found the perfect place to study!! I love it! It's at the Chinese Research Centre, and I actually can get decent internet connection here ... for the timebeing anyway. It's quiet, has a nice view, people are nice, and the atmosphere is so academic that I just feel like I have a reason to study! Ahhh, college campuses and libraries are just some of the best places on earth!
So yeah, I just had a great time today, even though I got nothing done. But whatever.
I met up with Steffany for lunch (Stef and I are both DUCKS!!! and we had class together 2 years ago, and we're both ISP majors! AHH!) and wandered around, talking, blah blah blah, went to the German ambassador to China's talk, dinner, decided to strike up a convo with some dude we ran into 3 times during the day, and watched a movie with him and his international friends.
Wow!! Real human contact/social interaction for the first time in LONG TIME (minus the time when my brother, cousins and Valerie were in Hong Kong in December)!! I really hope that I'll have that opportunity again soon. I just love meeting new people, and I love talking and being weird and all that jazz. I guess ... I just love living life, maybe that's it.
City Tree by Dan S, inspired by stiletto.love.
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