Without Air, I Would Not Exist, but I Exist Not Just to Breathe

So I am stressed out. Yeah, school. LOTS of it. On top of it, there's always the financial issues.

Every once in a while (or actually, more than that), I'd ask, "Why exactly is this happening to me? Everything was supposed to go so well."

But then again, why ask why? It's pointless. One way or another, I still have to go through with it.

I bet people who are going through worse ask those questions as well. They, too, have to deal with their problems ... and they don't even have a blog to vent on, not to mention no one would stand up for them, let alone stand by them.

So everyday, and more so with "tomorrow" that I have and more knowledge and consciousness I gain, I value the things and people that I can call mine, as well as the things that we can collectively call ours, such as air, water, trees, nature, government, history, knowledge, etc.. More and more by the step that I take in life, I wish that everyone can have the things that I have, the things that I take pride for, and the things that I take for granted.

I, I, am lucky.

Though ...
I just wish that I don't have to be alone at this moment with so heavy a load.
(Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I won't have to muse in solitude.
There's always tomorrow ... right? At least the hope of it, I'd say.)

Without Air, I Would Not Exist, but I Exist Not Just to Breathe

So I am stressed out. Yeah, school. LOTS of it. On top of it, there's always the financial issues.

Every once in a while (or actually, more than that), I'd ask, "Why exactly is this happening to me? Everything was supposed to go so well."

But then again, why ask why? It's pointless. One way or another, I still have to go through with it.

I bet people who are going through worse ask those questions as well. They, too, have to deal with their problems ... and they don't even have a blog to vent on, not to mention no one would stand up for them, let alone stand by them.

So everyday, and more so with "tomorrow" that I have and more knowledge and consciousness I gain, I value the things and people that I can call mine, as well as the things that we can collectively call ours, such as air, water, trees, nature, government, history, knowledge, etc.. More and more by the step that I take in life, I wish that everyone can have the things that I have, the things that I take pride for, and the things that I take for granted.

I, I, am lucky.

Though ...
I just wish that I don't have to be alone at this moment with so heavy a load.
(Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I won't have to muse in solitude.
There's always tomorrow ... right? At least the hope of it, I'd say.)

Killer

School is a killer.

I have two language classes, and I'm trying not to give Japanese up, but I don't know how long I can hold up. It's taking up the time I need for my Chinese homework.

I have so much reading to do, I can only be a day ahead, which means, I'm not ahead at all. I'm only ON TIME. Barely.

I have no idea why there's so much to do! It's only the second day of school, and I already feel behind.

I have a job, but I can barely start it yet because of school work.

I am collaborating with a group of people to start a networking information bank so that we can all find jobs by the time we graduate. Well, that's the start to something awesome, exciting and stressful.

I haven't talked to my parents for weeks. I think they hate me.

Oh, by the way, I'm poor. I have no money, and I don't know how I'm gonna survive, so I'm going to see my financial aid counsellor today. Without Brian, I really have no idea how I could have survived just on four chocolate chip cookies a day with water.

(Thanks, baby, for taking care of me. You are my lifesaver just when I'm tired, hungry, stressed out and scared.)

Well, life goes on. Let's keep reading.

Just Got Home from an AWESOME Outdoor Excursion

I literally just walked in the door coming back from 4 days of AWESOME adventures.

Lots to talk about, and MANY MANY PICTURES!

In short,
1. I learned and did so so so much;
2. I made new friends,
3. I really like my school program and all the people I go to school with!!

AHHHHHH! It was SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!

Stay tuned.

Hope you've been doing GREAT. Ok, see ya.

Let It Begin: Orientation Week Schedule

Armouring up.

MIM Orientation Schedule August 10-19

Thursday 8/10:

Welcome Dinner 6pm

Friday 8/11:

MIM 2005-06 Graduation

Saturday-Tuesday 8/12-15:

Outdoor Excursion in Central Oregon

Wednesday 8/16:

Language Testing and Classes @ SBA 140/170 1-5pm

Thursday 8/17:

Breakfast @ SBA 550 8-8:30am
Language classes @ SBA 270/390 8:30-noon
Lunch Break
Program Intro @ SBA 490 1-2pm
Break
Program Course Policies @ SBA 490 2:15-2:45pm
Break
Experiential Components of MIM @ SBA 490 3-4pm
Break
Surviving MIM @ SBA 490 4:15-5pm

Friday 8/18:

Breakfast and Professional Personality and Teamwork Styles

Workshop @ Ondine room TBA 8:00-noon

Lunch
Career Visioning Workshop @ SBA 490 1-2pm
Research: Library Resources and Ref. Formats

@ Millar 160 & 170 2:15-3:15pm

Professional Writing Workshop @ SBA 490 3:30-5:30pm

Saturday 8/19:

Breakfast @ SBA 550 8:30-9am
Language Classes @ SBA 270/390 9-11:30am
Lunch
Intro to Project Management @ SBA 490 1-2:30pm
Break
Career Services at SBA @ SBA 490 4:30-5:30pm
Orientation Reception @ Simon Benson House 6-8pm

Outdoor Excusion: Camping Itinerary (for those who are interested)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

9:45 Arrival at the campus in Portland. Load all gear

10:00 Depart for central Oregon via Highways 26 and 97. Rest stop en route.

3:00 Arrive at La Pine State Park, our camping site for three nights.

Set up tents, get settled into camp.

5:00 Dinner:

Hamburgers/Veggie Burgers

Fresh raw vegetables with dip

BBQ Beans

Smores, Soda, Coffee

6:30 Ice Breaker events for about one hour, led by PSU staff

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Group A

7:00 Breakfast:

Scrambled eggs, Muffin, Fruit, Hot Chocolate, Coffee

7:45 Depart La Pine State Park

8:20 Arrive Harpers Bridge to begin the canoeing trip on the Deschutes River

11:30 Depart Sunriver for afternoon hiking in Newberry National Volcanic Monument

Lunch at Paulina Lake prior to the hike

3:45 Depart Paulina Lake area for return to La Pine State Park

4:30 Arrive at camp, begin evening meal preparation

Group B

7:00 Breakfast as above

7:45 Depart La Pine State Park

9:15 Arrive Smith Rock State Park

The group will be broken into two separate groups of approximately 11. One group will rock climb from 9:30 - 1:00 while the other group hikes.

The two groups will eat lunch at approximately 1:00 p.m.

The two groups will then switch activities after lunch, each finishing up at 5:30 p.m.

5:30 Depart Smith Rock State Park

6:30 Arrive La Pine State Park

7:00 Dinner for the entire group:

Teriyaki Chicken

Rice Pilaf

Sautéed Vegetables

Sliced Watermelon

Monday, August 14, 2006

7:00 Breakfast:

Pancakes

Chicken Apple Sausage

Hot Chocolate/Coffee

7:45 Depart La Pine State Park

Reversal of group activities today

7:00 Dinner

Spaghetti with Marinara

Italian Sausage

Green Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette

Garlic Bread

Soda

Lemon Bars

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

6:00 Breakfast:

Cereal

Hot chocolate/Coffee

6:15 Break camp, load up the gear

6:45 Depart La Pine State park for our rafting trip on the Lower Deschutes.

7:30 Bagel stop in Bend

10:00 Rafting trip begins in Maupin

3:30 Depart for Portland, dinner may be taken en route or once you arrive in Portland

7:00 Approximate arrival at the PSU campus

END OF THE TRIP!!

So War, It Is: PSU MIM Terms 1 and 2 Schedule

It'll be a battle everyday for the next 14 months or so (and I intend to win every single frick'n one of them). Here's a little taste of it, and it's just the beginning ....

PSU MIM Terms 1 and 2 Class Schedule
*Advanced Chinese TBA (preference 8-9:30am TWRF)

Term 1 August 21 to October 14
--------------------------------------------------------------

Monday:

No Class

Tuesday:

Chinese 8:30-10am

Japanese 10-11:15am
Global Sustainability 12:30-5pm

Wednesday:

Japanese 10-11:15am
Contemporary Pac Rim Politics 5:30-10pm

Thursday:

Japanese 10-11:15am
Chinese 1-2:30pm
Global Business Strategy 5:30-10pm (meets 1st 4 weeks only)

Friday:

Japanese 10-11:15am
Pac Rim Econ 1-5:30pm

Term 2 October 17 to December 16
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Monday:

No Class

Tuesday:

Japanese 10-11:15am

Wednesday:

Japanese 10-11:15am

Thursday:

Japanese 10-11:15am
Global Marketing 12:30-5pm

Friday:

Japanese 10-11:15am
Global Accounting 12:30pm-5pm

(Vet's Day make-up 11/7 5:30-10pm)

Saturday:
Global HR Management 8am-2:30pm

Real Production

Wednesday (8/9):

Managerial accounting ch. 9 and 10 hw all morning ..... DONE
Prep for finance exam now-5 (study group) ..... DONE
Finance Make Up Test ..... DONE
Finance exam 6-9 ..... DONE

Thursday (8/10):

Study for Financial accounting exam 7-10am ..... DONE
Econ 10:30-12:30 (get eval forms from office) ..... DONE
Financial accounting exam ..... DONE
Insight Seattle Test ..... DONE
Welcoming Dinner 6-8pm (registration, etc.) ..... PENDING
Sure hoping to hang out with Brian for the night (we'll see)

Friday (8/11):

Managerial accounting exam 7-10 ..... PENDING
Pack for camping trip 10-1
Deal with financial aid 1-3pm
There's gotta be some free time in between ....
MIM Graduation Night 7pm @ Pittock House (baby, you wanna come?)

Saturday (8/12) - Tuesday (8/15):

Get picked up by Scott from Tigard

9am leave to go camping in Bend, coming back at 7pm (I'm gonna be so exhausted, I don't even know if I want to go anymore. I want to spend time with people that matter to me. But I know I HAVE to go.)

Wednesday (8/16) - Saturday (8/19):

Prepare a binder/notebook for Orientation in the morning
Take pictures for Student Life

Orientation everyday 8-5pm, except Wednesday starting at 1
Orientation dinner 6-8pm (more photos)

Sunday (8/20):

Can I have some PEACE AND QUIET!??
Should consider completing my list of business vocabulary

Monday (8/21):

MIM starts

Polars

I complete him.

I complete him.

How did I ever do that without trying? How did I do that just being myself? How did it work out so that (in his words) I'm his yin and he's my yang? How did I meet someone who is good at all the things that I am not, while what I know and what I can do is all that he lacks? How did my life come together with someone else's, which eccentric colors came spilling into mine?

How is it that I am with someone who can and will show me the world I missed, just as I will show him more than the world he already knows? (he'll show me the world that's always been there but that I missed for one reason or another, mainly school; I'll show him the rest of the world he has never seen before.)

No.

He completes me.

Down

It's only 10pm, but it feels more like 11:30.

I feel miserable today.

I am stressed out, overwhelmed, lonely and hungry at this moment.

I am kinda frustrated at how much work I have to do, and I can't see an end to it.

I sorta feel like bursting into tears, but I can't. I don't want to get too exhausted since I still have one exam to go before I can go to bed just to get up at 7 in the morning to study for another one.

And because there's no one else around, I just have to give myself a pat on the back for holding up. But that gets old.

I think this is the time for ice cream.
But then I'd feel fat and disgusting because I haven't gone climbing for a month.

So I don't know exactly what to do with myself now except to study more and take that stupid exam of mine.

(Oh God! Plus I have a giant mountain of laundry to do, and I haven't cleaned the apartment. I also just remembered that I haven't taken a shower since the night before last! O Dio! Vorrei morir! Pieta!)

I Won't Bother You With This One

I complete him.

I complete him.

How did I ever do that without trying? How did I do that just being myself? How did it work out so that (in his words) I'm his yin and he's my yang? How did I meet someone who is good at all the things that I am not, while what I know and what I can do is all that he lacks? How did my life come together with someone else's, which eccentric colors came spilling into mine?

How is it that I am with someone who can and will show me the world I missed, just as I will show him more than the world he already knows? (he'll show me the world that's always been there but that I missed for one reason or another, mainly school; I'll show him the rest of the world he has never seen before.)

No.

He completes me.

May I Say

This has better pay off in the near and foreseeable future.

I like being busy, but it still sucks.

By the end of this -- WATCH ME! -- I'm gonna land a job that I like, finally be able to settle down and leave this "student lifestyle" thing at least for a while (until I decide to torture myself again by going back to school -- and pay a fortune for it), pay off debts, do the car-and-house mortgage thing (oh, yet another trap), set up trust funds for retirement, travel and extra, get a sweet black cat with yellow eyes, a full-bred German Shepard, and a bunny rabbit, if I want to.

And, no, marriage is not in sight at least until I'm 29, so all you suitors, don't even think about it.

This Month's Mortgage for a Good Life

I have no time for myself. I have no time for my family and friends. I have no time for Brian.

This (not including the tens of thousands of dollars I'm paying plus interest), my friends, is the price to pay for an MIM degree, in hopes that I'll get a good job, a good career and a good life.

Wednesday (8/9):

Managerial accounting chapter 9 hw 7:30-9:30am
Study for financial accounting 9:30-11:30
Financial accounting final 12-3pm
Prep for finance exam 3-5:30
Finance exam 6-9
Managerial accounting chapter 10 hw 10-12am

Thursday (8/10):

Managerial accounting exam 7-10am
Econ 10:30-12:30
Finance make-up exam 1-3pm
I think I'm FREE from 3-6pm
Welcoming Dinner 6-8pm (I'll be taking pictures for my job)

Friday (8/11):

Portland Photo Shoot 7-9am or Sleep In
Pack for camping trip 10-1 (INSIGHT SEATTLE TEST!)
Deal with financial aid 1-3pm
There's gotta be some free time in between ....
MIM Graduation Night 7pm @ Pittock House (baby, you wanna come?)

Saturday (8/12) - Tuesday (8/15):

Get picked up by Scott from Tigard

9am leave to go camping in Bend, coming back at 7pm (I'm gonna be so exhausted, I don't even know if I want to go anymore. I want to spend time with people that matter to me. But I know I HAVE to go.)

Wednesday (8/16) - Saturday (8/19):

Prepare a binder/notebook for Orientation in the morning
Take pictures for Student Life

Orientation everyday 8-5pm, except Wednesday starting at 1
Orientation dinner 6-8pm (more photos)

Sunday (8/20):

Can I have some PEACE AND QUIET!??

Monday (8/21):

MIM starts

Oh man.
My back and shoulders are hurting.

And I need to get back into climbing.

Exciting News!

The Feds called off raising the interest rates today after 17 consecutive attempts to lower inflation/kill us all!

(Yeah, I'm nerdy. Shut up.)

Blank World

I know it's late on a school night, and I'm tired, but I can't help being introspective. I can't help but to look at the cache of memories I have of life, of experiences ... of everything.

What exactly have I done with my life? What have I experienced? What can I show at the end of my life that I have lived? What is missing?

I'm a girl who has never ran through a sprinkler or screamed speeding through a slip-and-slide. I have never rode a bike through a trail (hey, I barely remember how to ride a bike!), never swam in a lake, river ocean or any other body of water that doesn't contain chlorine (yeah, and I barely remember how to swim as well), never had a "real" pet (ok, I had a snail and 13 mice, and that's another story for another time). I have never participated in organized sports. I have only rode a horse once -- for 3 minutes while the horse stood still. I have never sat and watch the sunrise, and neither have I watched the sunset over the horizon.

(Try me. I am sure you can come up with more.)

But, hell, did I read! I read and learned, read and learned, read and learned. But still, here I am, without much of a childhood to speak of, with no stories to tell, with still so many blanks waiting to be filled with stuff that I don't know about before my end.

How much time do I have left?

Show me the world ....

Show me the world now before I have to go.

Fiendish

Ok, so I tried making my profile look better, but it didn't work.

And then I looked at the clock.

I had just spent the past hour and a half tweaking with the damn thing.

Wow. I have no life.

Blank World

I know it's late on a school night, and I'm tired, but I can't help being introspective. I can't help but to look at the cache of memories I have of life, of experiences ... of everything.

What exactly have I done with my life? What have I experienced? What can I show at the end of my life that I have lived? What is missing?

I'm a girl who has never ran through a sprinkler or screamed speeding through a slip-and-slide. I have never rode a bike through a trail (hey, I barely remember how to ride a bike!), never swam in a lake, river ocean or any other body of water that doesn't contain chlorine (yeah, and I barely remember how to swim as well), never had a "real" pet (ok, I had a snail and 13 mice, and that's another story for another time). I have never participated in organized sports. I have only rode a horse once -- for 3 minutes while the horse stood still. I have never sat and watch the sunrise, and neither have I watched the sunset over the horizon.

(Try me. I am sure you can come up with more.)

But, hell, did I read! I read and learned, read and learned, read and learned. But still, here I am, without much of a childhood to speak of, with no stories to tell, with still so many blanks waiting to be filled with stuff that I don't know about before my end.

How much time do I have left?

Show me the world ....

Show me the world now before I have to go.

Swwon

It's 1:14am on a Saturday morning.

I'm in Brian's office, (trying to) study for my finance test tomorrow, while he sleeps next door with Arthur.

All is quiet, leaving an echo from my iTunes playing a medley of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and What a Wonderful World by Aeslin Debison.

I'm alone, reading. But I don't feel alone. I know he's next door ... 10 feet -- or a breath -- away ... always ready to hold me tight.

How lucky am I to have that? How many people can say that they feel safe physically and emotionally exactly where they are -- not later, not at another place, but here and now? How many people can say that they are so at ease to trust someone not to judge them for how they look, act, feel, or speak ... and just be?

That sounds so dramatic and incredibly mushy (yes, Nor, in YOUR words, haha!), but, you know, after floating around and being kicked around for a while, what's simple and cliche becomes life. You finally learn how to recognize the good things and how to be thankful. You learn to savour even the littlest, tiniest parts of what you're grateful for ... every look, every scent, every contour of his face, every squeeze of the hand or sound of his footsteps or likes and dislikes ... because you know each moment passed will never come back, as if you're racing with time (such is life). And because of that, you want to be right there with him as much as you can to care for him, shield him, hold him, heal him and grow with him. You learn that, when you're blessed with something beyond your realms of expectations and rational calculations, you need to hold on to it tight (just not too tight) because once you let go, you may never find it again.

At the same time, you know that even if things don't work out in the end, you'll still be thankful it happened despite all kinds of pain because, for ever more, you'll know how love feels like ... that it is more than just the oxytocins in your brain bouncing back and forth between receptors, but a hand that grips your heart at every beat to remind you you're alive, a guiding spirit that, not only reminds you of who you are, but also makes you want to be a better person each passing moment you're with him.

I'm smiling today and everyday since I've been with him because, well, he makes me happy.

Swoon

It's 1:14am on a Saturday morning.

I'm in Brian's office, (trying to) study for my finance test tomorrow, while he sleeps next door with Arthur.

All is quiet, leaving an echo from my iTunes playing a medley of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and What a Wonderful World by Aeslin Debison.

I'm alone, reading. But I don't feel alone. I know he's next door ... 10 feet -- or a breath -- away ... always ready to hold me tight.

How lucky am I to have that? How many people can say that they feel safe physically and emotionally exactly where they are -- not later, not at another place, but here and now? How many people can say that they are so at ease to trust someone not to judge them for how they look, act, feel, or speak ... and just be?

That sounds so dramatic and incredibly mushy (yes, Nor, in YOUR words, haha!), but, you know, after floating around and being kicked around for a while, what's simple and cliche becomes life. You finally learn how to recognize the good things and how to be thankful. You learn to savour even the littlest, tiniest parts of what you're grateful for ... every look, every scent, every contour of his face, every squeeze of the hand or sound of his footsteps or likes and dislikes ... because you know each moment passed will never come back, as if you're racing with time (such is life). And because of that, you want to be right there with him as much as you can to care for him, shield him, hold him, heal him and grow with him. You learn that, when you're blessed with something beyond your realms of expectations and rational calculations, you need to hold on to it tight (just not too tight) because once you let go, you may never find it again.

At the same time, you know that even if things don't work out in the end, you'll still be thankful it happened despite all kinds of pain because, for ever more, you'll know how love feels like ... that it is more than just the oxytocins in your brain bouncing back and forth between receptors, but a hand that grips your heart at every beat to remind you you're alive, a guiding spirit that, not only reminds you of who you are, but also makes you want to be a better person each passing moment you're with him.

I'm smiling today and everyday since I've been with him because, well, he makes me happy.

Prayer

May my guiding spirit hold me together.

May it give me the will to concentrate, plow forward and stay focused on my path, the openness to new opportunities and the strength of love and commitment.

May it give me the wisdom to be thankful for what I have and forego what I don't, the humility to know how little I know and how much more I have to learn.

May it give me reasons to smile each day, chances to make others smile each day and hope for the future.

Starting Line

I feel that I've been getting distracted lately. Guess I've just been having too much fun, and the course work isn't conceptually engaging and stimulating enough for Elaine's brain (of course, this doesn't mean the subjects are not interesting to other people or interesting in general).

So I have decided that I should remind myself why I'm in school, why I made my decision in the first place, etc.. I feel like I'm kinda falling behind in the whole scheme of things. I've worked so hard to be here in this position, but I feel like I'm getting too comfortable. So I am now gonna do some work to get myself back on track.

The first thing to do is to remind me of my direction. I have realized lately that I want to get involved with strategic planning for a company. Afterwards, get involved in humanitarian work using the skills I developed.

So I looked it up. Here's Strategic Planning according to Wikipedia:

Strategic planning consists of the process of defining objectives and developing strategies to reach those objectives. By labelling a piece of planning "strategic" we expect it to operate on the grand scale and to take in "the big picture" (in contradistinction to "tactical" planning, which by definition has to focus more on the tactics of individual detailed activities). "Long range" planning typically projects current activities and programs into a revised view of the external world, thereby describing results that will most likely occur. "Strategic" planning tries to "create" more desirable future results by (a) influencing the outside world or (b) adapting current programs and actions so as to have more favorable outcomes in the external environment.

Within business, strategic planning may provide overall direction strategic management to a company or give specific direction in such areas as:

• Financial strategies
• Human resource/organizational development strategies
• Information technology deployments
• Marketing strategy

We want to do Strategic Planning to:

• Have the capability to obtain the desired objective
• Fit well both with the external environment and with an organization's resources and core competencies - it should appear feasible and appropriate
• Have the capability of providing an organization with a sustainable competitive advantage - ideally through uniqueness and sustainability
• Prove dynamic, flexible, and able to adapt to changing situations
• Suffice on its own - specifically providing favorable outcomes without the need for cross-subsidization

I WANT TO DO THAT. I want to make an impact on an organization when they need change. I pretty much just want to come up with ideas and tell people why they should do it and how. It's the big picture!! It's visiionary! How cool is that?? My field will definitely focus on sustainability and the socio-political environment.

It's kinda scary to think about it sometimes. It's scary to know that, after floating around for so long, I will eventually want to settle down. I will have a profession, I will invest in my own property, I might get married and even have kids -- or never, and stay single forever (hey, it's the "in" thing to do nowadays, I've heard)! Regardless, right now I am starting a new chapter in life for the projected 10 years in the future.

10 years ... that once sounded so far away.

I'm getting ready to run the distance. You with me?

Better Place

It feel so good just to talk. You have no idea how good it is to just let everything out and be comfortable because I can speak my mind -- and not have negative, even violent, reprecussions.

It's so easy to fall into the habit of hiding my feelings, to turn memories off, to have the fighter instinct and pretend that I'm stronger than I really am inside ... especially when those are the survival skills that I've developed since I was a little kid.

I guess sometimes it's just hard to put my questions and fears on the table. It's not easy to show that I have worries, that I have the feelings that I have, that I am not a rock, I'm not sensible all of the time because I am also made of flesh and blood, the stuff that makes me human and makes me feel joy, anger and pain.

But all of these walls I built around myself, at first for security, are now working against me. I don't need to fend for my safety anymore. I don't have to fight like I used to. I don't have to curl up in a fetal position and rock myself to sleep at night.

I am in a better place now. I'm safe. And I'm not alone.

Better Place

It feel so good just to talk. You have no idea how good it is to just let everything out and be comfortable because I can speak my mind -- and not have negative, even violent, reprecussions.

It's so easy to fall into the habit of hiding my feelings, to turn memories off, to have the fighter instinct and pretend that I'm stronger than I really am inside ... especially when those are the survival skills that I've developed since I was a little kid.

I guess sometimes it's just hard to put my questions and fears on the table. It's not easy to show that I have worries, that I have the feelings that I have, that I am not a rock, I'm not sensible all of the time because I am also made of flesh and blood, the stuff that makes me human and makes me feel joy, anger and pain.

But all of these walls I built around myself, at first for security, are now working against me. I don't need to fend for my safety anymore. I don't have to fight like I used to. I don't have to curl up in a fetal position and rock myself to sleep at night.

I am in a better place now. I'm safe. And I'm not alone.

My Only Advice

Take in this moment,

for it will never return.