I moved my blog over to http://elaine.jumping-duck.com.
Jumping Duck is a media publishing company. Its new book just came out the other day, The Indefatigable Wright Brothers by Erin Gerecke. An excellent read. Check it out on Jumping-Duck.com.
OK. See you on the other side.
It's Saturday, and the first conversation I heard was about how people take advantage of social programs in this country, and how a nationalized health care system would never work.
Now, why would a nationalized health care system not work in the United States of America?
I've heard people say that it's too expensive.
I've heard people say that it's too easy for the "good-for-nuthins" to take advantage of it.
But I'm not sure if I have heard a very good conclusive reason as to why it wouldn't be a good idea to have a good national basic health care system.
So I decided to ask my friend, Rene, who's a finance person at the Union Bank of Switzerland in Switzerland, to give me a more European perspective.
He grew up in Germany and is now living in Switzerland.
He told me that, depending on your income and marital status, you may be taxed up to 60% of your salary.
So Germans typically bitch about their high taxes a lot.
(here, I might add that Germany carries a bigger burden of the EU's health care bill than other EU countries ... ya know, burden of WWII ... guilt.)
Because social welfare "goes to the extreme," in Rene's opinion, the "overprotectiveness" of the German government produced the effect of some Germans refusing to work, since social security benefits are high enough for a good living (the worst American nightmare, right?) However, it is worthy to say that Germany has great a infrastructure, edu system, health system, and other social programs.
But then, in Switzerland, things are different because the Swiss ruled that taxes should not exceed 1/3 of a person's income. Also, maximum tax rate (which includes -- *gasp!* -- health insurance, pension fund, etc.) does not exceed 30%. In some states (or cantons, as they apparently call it), it is as low as 13%.
Yet, at the same time, the Swiss have a remarkable infrastructure, good public schools, awesome colleges and social system ....
So, I guess bitching about taxation is virtually unheard of in Switzerland.
Even though not everything is peachy over in Euro Land, it looks like things are somewhat working in at least Germany and Switzerland ... at least in the categories of 1) health care, 2) education, 3) social security and 4) public infrastructure.
The next on my list is taking a closer look at Hong Kong, for a more extended and global view on this loose topic.
This is not just because Hong Kong is where I lived for half my life, it's also because Hong Kong is famous for just plain how well they have been doing for the past century.
Coming from complete poverty after WWII, it definitely picked up from there to become "the world's freest economy" according to both Economic Freedom of the World and the Index of Economic Freedom.
Its health and prosperity is one of the best in the world.
And a lot of people attribute its growth and steadiness to its tax system.
These people seem to all notice that HK has remarkably low tax rates (and I remember, as a child, they had us MEMORIZE that HK is so great because of its low taxes -- haha!!).
If the Swiss 30% is low, then Hong Kong's maximum tax rate of 20% is remarkable.
But HOW do people of Hong Kong (I guess "my people") do it?
How do they make it so low in taxation, but excel in those 4 areas AND do so well with economic growth?
With that said, how does the US tax system compare to those of these three places?
How does taxation relate to the future of the United States? (obviously, it has a lot to do with the country's future, but HOW?)
What are the rationale behind the way the German, Swiss, Hong Kong and American tax systems are set up -- Why do the things we do?
My findings for now are basic, pre-mature and inconclusive. But my questions should yield some good insight into what the US can learn, so to improve its own tax system. It'll be an on-going investigation (as much as time allows anyway). I'll keep updating as I find out more.
Thank you, Devlin, for tipping me off to this nice and neat flow chart for a better understanding!
Now we know what the heck Pretty Sarah was thinking!
Tina Fey, Sarah Palin … wait, who’s running for veep again?
SNL Katie Couric and Sarah Palin
If I had money, I’d blow it all at the bookstore.
I’m adding Maya Angelou’s new book, Letters to My Daughter, to my wishlist that is most probably never going to be fulfilled. haha!
Well, there’s always the library … if the government doesn’t cut that, too.
My notes during the veep debate:
Pretty Sarah ...
1. did her hair differently. I think she might have added some reddish brown highlights in there. (OK OK. I'll focus on things that are more important.)
2. likes to be cute and wink when she thinks people should take her word for it.
3. wore really cute red heels with her black outfit -- gotta give her credit for that! (What are you talking about?? This IS important! It is NOT sad that these are the first things I noticed about the debate. OK. Maybe it is a LITTLE boring. Just a little.)
4. looked uncomfortable standing in those tall heels for 90+ minutes ... or was it because of the debate pressure?
5. always has cute eyeglasses on ... where the heck did she get those??
6. scribbles things down a lot, but I have no idea what she could possibly be writing down. (the word "Maverick"?)
7. likes to spend lots of time talking like a mommy and not enough time talking about what she was asked. ("Now now, Joey. You know that's not right, don't you, honey? ... Oh crap, the yellow light is on! Uh, uh, uh, ... John McCain is my daddy ... I mean, Maverick?")
8. likes to give shout-outs to her fam, like her dad, brother, granddaddy, great aunt, mother's half sister's daughter's ex-boyfriend's former best friend ... wait, wait, she's not done yet! Turn that yellow light off, damn it!
9. smiles a lot, which is great ... even if it's because she has not idea what the heck to say.
10. is a pretty lady! If she doesn't win VP, she should totally get MILF of the Year.
Ole Joe ...
1. is old ... but not as old as the ole Maverick.
2. is pretty suave, in a "relax, I got this one" sorta way. In his younger years, he might have been pretty studly.
3. likes the word "Bush's." Bushhhhhhhhs.
4. likes to LOL. I'm sure Pretty Sarah noticed it.
5. makes gaffes look popular, like an Oompa Loompa tan that teenagers (even in the rainy Northwest) sport nowadays.
6. tries to be a gentleman. He wasn't too hard on Pretty Sarah. Maybe he was afraid that the Mob of Moms outside would bust through the doors and beat his ass.
7. notices the time limit light this time!
8. forgot that he is supposed to like clean coal technology for a moment ... wait, or is he supposed to like clean coal technology? I'm not sure. Maybe he does, since he looks like such a nice man.
9. wishes he could be as cute as Pretty Sarah when using homespun euphemisms for swear words, like "darn," "gosh," and "geez."
10. tries not to look at Pretty Sarah, so that he doesn't bust out saying, "I love you, Tina Fey!"
It seems that there are times when we are (or I am) so obsessed with what we deserve or don't deserve, that we forget what "deserve" means.
How do we judge "I deserve better treatment than that" or "I worked hard enough to deserve more reward"? How do we know that we "deserve" to have more than others?
Do we distinguish what we deserve from an overt sense of entitlement?
I really don't have all the answers, obviously, and I don't know where to even begin to make a fair judgment. But I do know that often times, what we do deserve is already in the experience, no just the reward or the result of the experience.
I wonder, if we remember that better, perhaps we'd view life quite a bit differently.
Surely, our past always has a hand in shaping our future, but the way it shapes our future and who we become is entirely taken from the lessons we learn along the way, which are intended to help us to relate to our distant and not-so-distant past.
And here, we have some choices to make:
Are we willing to recognize that there are lesson to be learned?
Are we willing to do what it takes to learn them?
Are we willing to let these lessons be part of our guide?
Events, things that happen in our lives, never go away. They remain as they are in their own dimensions. And they exist simultaneously in different versions/forms in the three dimensions we know so much, but so little about: the past, the present and the future.
It is our mission to recognize each version of these events' existence and add value to them -- events in the past as memories, but their existence in the present is a lesson, and in the future, a result. This pattern goes on and on, even beyond the time of humans years and years from now.
This is part of the creative of Life.
It is disappointment that I feel. it is the prophetic "i told you so" in my stomach.
With parents like mine, there is never the absence of doubt, for better or for worse.
But I had to go ahead and do what's right despite doubt. One still must treat a friend as a friend, not just for the sake of the friend or the friendship, but for the solemn faith and commitment of what friendship essentially is.
Yes, it's laughable to the cynics. I would sacrifice -- and have sacrificed -- for a principle.
But if I give up on that principle, that ideal, then what possibility be still hope for from friendship might die, extinct.
It is up to people like me (and you) to do the right thing, at our cost, yes, to keep the light of love and humanity alive.
I will not give in to jadedness.
As I reconstruct and reconsider my own life and foundation, so is the greater society.
Today, we live in one of the most trying times in history -- not because of war, not because violent attacks, not even because of questions about our decisions -- but because this is a time that asks us to steady our hearts, our conviction, and asks us to redefine our stance. Who are we individually and collectively? What does our surroundings mean to us? Where will we go? Where does our heart lie and what does it say?
Every little bit counts.
My life is but a microscopic view of it.
All we need to do is to REMEMBER who we are and hold on to it tight because being true to that is our only protection.
The pain will not go away, but being true will keep our feet where they belong.
With this in mind, I am sending what's left of my love and compassion out to the universe -- even those that have hurt me and wronged me -- to let them know that we're in this together.
Well, ya know. You don't have to worry about me because I'm strong and resilient. I just solo it, just power through it because that's what I do ... right? Right. That's just me.
And those that do worry about me do because I'm messy, naive, haven't gotten it down, don't know what I'm doing. I walk on a thin line suspended in air with no safety net below. And, of course, I have no idea that's what I'm doing ... right? Right. That's just me.
I couldn't sleep past 7:30am. The first thing I do is to suddenly open my eyes and take a deep breath, as if I needed more air to exist in reality and not dreamland. My first thought was a whisper, "Tom ..." My first sensation was the grip of anxiety.
A year ago, I was going through the same thing. Oh, and when I say "the same thing," I mean it. Every time, it seems, I am to be frustrated about something in the relationship. I express it, but it doesn't get answered. When I finally get pissed about him evading the question, he tells me I have a "temper problem." I don't understand why he evaded the question, why he feels I have a problem, he tells me I just don't understand him, and we are not meant to be together. Of course, to come to find out, his heart is still with someone in his past. My anxiety is heightened because I feel like I can't live up to a memory. Besides, what's happening doesn't makes sense. So I try to explain, I try to ask why, but he gets impatient and eventually gets pissed off. Then, I hang up. I think about it and analyze. No, it's not. It's not true. None of it. So I write him a long e-mail trying to explain that it wasn't just me (thinking, no, please don't punish me!). Even though it made me feel better temporarily, of course, that was still a waste of time -- he would never understand. This must be a re-run of something.
Here we are again.
I'm in Central Oregon, but we have gray skies these few days. It seems like an extra shade of gray at 7:30 in the morning. Or maybe it's just me -- my heart makes my eyes gray. My roommate's brother told me I looked shorter than usual yesterday. Well, I guess my troubles make me small, too. Maybe it's because it cuts my appetite.
Here we are again.
So I am hurting. It follows the same prescription, the same recipe. Let me backtrack, and I will remember what will come next. ... Well, wait. It helped the last time to have friends around, to have a job, to have no creditors after me for student loans. Maybe there are deviations after all.
Experience tells me, though, that I will not be missed.
I read something first thing for breakfast this morning, a quote: "It started before it could be stopped, and it was over before it began." I can't even explain how I feel when I read that.
Ever wonder why we -- or anyone else -- fight?
It's because we are scared.
When you and I fight, it's because you're scared to open up, and I'm scared that you aren't opening up because you don't care/want me. The more you clam up, the more I try (because I care). The more I try, the more you evade the issue. The more you do that, the more frustrated I become. The more frustrated I get, the more frustrated you get. The more frustrated we become, the more explosive our fights are.
Here's where we divide:
I wanted to figure out WHY we fight. I wanted to fix it.
You felt that there is no bottom to it. It's easier to just say that I have a temper problem. You don't want to straighten it out ...
... because we are not in a committed relationship (but what about friendship? isn't understanding us important for being friends, too?). And we actually never asked each other what "commitment" means to us. What I think of it is first and foremost "valuing the other person and not taking he/she for granted." Time can always be negotiated. Emotional devotion can't.
You were so keen on being with me at the beginning because it was "easy." I was easy to manage -- you thought of a relationship as something to manage. And the way to gauge the quality and possibility of a relationship is by how easy it is.
But do you know why it was easy?
It was because we hadn't met our baggage, "Tara's pregnancy," yet.
No relationship goes on without fights for long. Those that haven't fought truly have not seen challenge yet.
You and I have seen battles because we haven't adequately addressed the challenge of common ground since you came back from Washington.
No inspiring relationship goes on without disagreements. Those that always agree have not been honoring their responsibility of showing the world to each other.
You and I have not seen things eye to eye because we are different and meant to be different. I have seen other sides, and I will always show you other sides. ... Or perhaps you don't want someone with a mind and experiences of her own?
(Ever wonder why you and Kelly didn't fight? 1) You WANTED it to work, 2) She didn't challenge you the way I do -- and youth of mind has something to do with it because, if she was not 21, but more like 25 or older and have seen a few more things, I'll bet you guys would not have seen eye to eye, too, 3) The circumstances and baggage weighed differently then vs. now.)
So, it really isn't just about me having a "temper problem." In fact, I don't. You know I don't -- be honest. I am a laid-back, open-minded person. But I couldn't help but to be particular, out-spoken and proactive -- in the end, even frustrated and angry -- because things were left unaddressed. You wavered on where I stood in your life, and you wavered on what kind of value you placed in me ... for months. Recall, it wasn't until fairly recently that you started voicing your feelings of "not being ready for a relationship."
It isn't fair to say that "we weren't meant to date". Surely, we are meant to be different, but that doesn't mean "we weren't meant to date." Actually, if you (... or us) were ever willing to address the baggage and the concerns that came with it earlier on, things would never have gotten as bad. Even though we don't see eye to eye, I actually understand you quite a bit more thoroughly than most. I could tell your mood just by the noise frequency of your rocking chair since the beginning -- and it wasn't just out of habit.
So, you might as well just have told me you aren't interested in me and had just wanted the sex.
Speaking of sex, it also isn't fair to rebuttal with "Come on, you liked it, too." Of course, I liked it ... but you knew I liked it only because I thought I was with you. If we were just friends, if I had known that you weren't really interested in me, you KNEW I would not have continued to sleep with you. You have known all along that I'm not that kind of girl. Why would you say such a thing as "come on, you liked it, too"?
What hurt me isn't just because you are not interested in me (which is synonymous to "commitment"). It's because you were not interested, but you still wanted to stick around for the sex, the intimacy, the "good stuff" ... but with none of the work. You're a farmer/gardener. You should know that if you actually have to tend the garden at least every once in a while and have the right attitude about the garden to get any fruit out of it later. You can't cheat the garden, just like you can't expect to get the best of me 1) with no problem, and 2) for it to last. This is what I mean by "taking me for granted."
What I want is for you to recognize and understand (if you don't, it's fine to ask -- provided that you actually want to understand). I don't expect you to understand everything -- or be willing enough to understand everything. But I think we can agree to at least some things. I value you, and it is important to me (and our friendship) for you to understand that this hurt me and why.
Please think about it. Talk to me.
My uncle called me tonight from Hong Kong. He seems like the only one in my family who has any inkling of who I am.
His support and understanding brought me to tears.
I am proud of myself today for doing something for myself -- strictly for myself. I listened to my intuition and followed it. I gave it the answer it deserved.
This is part of my growth to love and respect myself, the path to discover my power and abilities. I have faith that I will do the right thing as long as I am true to myself.
Human drama is always interesting. It is within this drama that new ideas, new aspirations and new chapters in life happen.
I have always wondered what would happen in my own story, my own drama. Would I become wildly successful? Downtrodden and sad? Would those who I love love me back? Would I be betrayed? Would I be happy?
Turns out, my life so far is even more interesting than I could ever have imagined. And the answers I've found out along the way would answer far more than just those questions.
From pedals of flowers, I realized the beauty and intricacy of life ... and it wasn't an accident (it's never been).
From the faces of clouds, I realized that all things are in transition.
From the coming and going of people in my life, I realize that I have been growing.
Life hasn't always been pleasant, but it sure has been the way it is for my own good. Its ups and downs created so much to be thankful for.
My parents were nice enough to bring me the rest of my library.
Yep, books. My companions on this journey of growth.
At the bottom of a box, I found a little gift book -- one of those 5-dollar mini books near the check-out counter at Barnes and Noble -- titled "What Every Woman Should Do Once."
This is the advice it offers:
Make up an alias.
Skinny dip.
Insist on being called "Your Majesty".
Sleep out under the stars.
Start with dessert.
Be a diva for a night at a karaoke bar.
Act out a page of the Kama Sutra.
Call in sick and spend a whole day shopping with your best friend.
Own something leather besides a coat or gloves.
Date a guy you met on the Internet.
Give someone famous your autograph.
Write your acceptance speech for your "Woman of the Year" award.
Dye your hair blonde and see if they really have more fun.
Rent a convertible and go where the wind blows.
Have an anonymous encounter.
Adopt a pet.
Go commando.
Dance on top of a bar.
Forget what your mother would think.
Try on engagement rings, even if you're not in a relationship.
Send yourself a dozen roses.
Audition for a Broadway musical or a TV show.
Go skydiving.
Bet it all on black in Vegas -- and let it ride.
Go on a carriage ride through Central Park.
Be the boss.
Try on very expensive clothes in a boutique that you know you can't afford.
Invent an interesting past.
Talk in a foreign accent all day.
Write a scathing letter to the Editor.
Buy a round for everyone in the bar.
Smoke a cigar.
Run for a worthy cause.
Pamper yourself at an all day spa.
Have a three martini lunch and go back to work refreshed.
Create your own holiday and celebrate it every year.
Go without electricity for a night.
Wear fake eyelashes and send him come hither looks.
Make a voodoo doll of your ex.
Learn to tango.
Pretend you're a food critic at a trendy restaurant.
Make snow angels.
Blame everything on your evil twin.
Eat fast food all day.
Hire a personal shopper.
Wear a feather boa and movie star glasses to the grocery store.
Borrow a motorcycle and take the driver's seat.
Invest in a piece of art.
Flirt your way through a traffic jam.
Try a extreme sport.
Taste every variety of margarita.
Kiss a guy from every state.
Throw a silk pajama party and greet guests with champagne.
Go on two dates in one night.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
Take the credit -- and the compliment -- and say thanks!
Start a campaign.
Send a thank you letter to a mentor.
Tell a man you love him ... first.
Resist saying "I told you so," even if you're right.
Head to the airport and fly -- anywhere.
Walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
Ask your boyfriend to paint your toenails in exchange for the remote.
Remember the a la mode.
Own the perfect shade of red hot lipstick.
Wondering what the next big regional political problem is?
It'll be in western China, the Xinjiang province.
Come on. You just can't have mounting pressure and suppression without expecting problems to explode.
Watch this video, then read this very short news flash.
History seems to be a repetitive cycle. And, unfortunately, if we don't learn that it is a cycle that needs to be broken, it will continue going round and round.
The current Iraq problem is an example, one that has been repeating itself since 694 AD, according to this article, then in 1920, and of course, now.
Your happiness does not depend on beauty, wealth or "coolness."
It depends only in part on love and companionship.
But it truly depends on what your belief of life is.
Interesting.
Manchester City Football Club, a prominent and visible asset in Western culture and media, is being passed from one foreign owner to the next: from the hands of exiled former prime minister of Thailand to those of the ruling family of Abu Dhabi.
In fact, more than half of the 20 football clubs in the UK's Premiere League have bosses that are foreign investors.
Cultural intermixing via investment changes. Could this be the real sign of the world's paradigm shift?
Summer is waning. You can smell the change in the air: it is raw and sharp, like the shine of steel. The honey-like warmth of summer wind is losing to the winter wind's edge.
It's change.
The earth is in transition.
So am I.
I am honestly appalled that the news media has been covering itself with headlines of the pregnancy of Palin's 17-year-old daughter. I am even more appalled by people in politics using this as a tol to discredit Palin's character and her potential performance as VP. Really, this episode only serves well as a soap opera-like gossipy distraction from McCain's message -- and McCain's image as Bush's second. McCain's camp may actually get value out of this episode.
But ... back to the girl.
Life happens. Mothers have daughters, and daughters have their own. It's bad enough that the girl is facing a tough challenge in life right now. I can't imagine the pressure she is getting from just within her family.
To make an issue out of her life in the public limelight is out of bounds. She needs to be left alone.
Actually, Barack Obama says it best (and thank you, Political Fryer, for showing this video).
To You and The World ...
DO IT ANYWAY
DO IT ANYWAY
Written By Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.
What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
As I import my blogs from MySpace one by one (since MySpace is so primitive, there is no available program out there that allows me to effeciently and effectively export blogs to another location ... not that I know of anyway), I got a chance to re-read many of the entries I wrote through the years past (since 2005). The highs and the lows and everything in between make me appreciative of every moment I get to learn about Life.
Tonight, I stumbled on to the following. I felt that it is a worthy to repost for the third time.
A very very long time ago (perhaps two and a half years ago, and I call that a long time because so much has happened since), my good friend, Ashley, who I have been friends with since the 8th grade, sent me an e-mail that, still to this day, I think of often. No, it's not because of how elegant or eloquent the language is, not becuase of how it envoked any sort of pathos in me, but because of the way it reminded me of how I want to live my future.
The 20s aren't easy. This is a period of change, of transformation, of knowledge and growth, of exploration, and of understanding. Through our most tragic times, we emerge as the people that we become -- hopefully the people that we want to become. The decision that we make now will be with us for the rest of our time. They will shape our stories, which I hope will be stories that we will be proud to tell.
In light of this spirit, I would like to share with my friends (you know who you are) and all of you, women AND men, out there, the following. And with this, I send to you all my best wishes.
Blog entry title: PROUD TO BE
EVERY WOMAN
A woman should have
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to.
A woman should have
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
A woman should have
a youth she's content to leave behind.
A woman should have
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
A woman should have
a set of screw drivers, cordless drill and a black lace bra.
A woman should have
one friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry.
A woman should have
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
A woman should have
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
A woman should have
a feeling of control over her destiny.
Every woman should know
how to fall in love without losing herself.
Every woman should know
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship …
and, of course, how to change a tire.
Every woman should know
when to try harder and when to walk away.
Every woman should know that
she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
Every woman should know that
her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.
Every woman should know
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more.
Every woman should know
how to live alone, even if she doesn't like it.
Every woman should know
who she can trust, who she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally.
Every woman should know
where to go, be it her best friend's kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods, when her should needs soothing.
what she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month and a year.
Even as an Obama supporter, there are still times when I think about the burdens and pressures of being George W. Bush. It's one thing to walk the line, but it's another to swim in blurred gray areas -- and we know how they say life is never so defined.
Although the past 8 years have not been this country's best -- and I am sure most of these years has not been Bush's best either -- I am certainly impressed by how tightly the president has held on. Politics aside, the gritty tenacity he's shown, the simple, but rigid principles he relies on have been interesting to watch.
Honestly, how can you wholeheartedly believe the man to be evil, if you allowed yourself to understand that Bush firmly and adamantly believes that he has been doing the "right" thing?
And his idea of leadership and heroism is to keep going on even while everything else falls apart, even while the world turns on you.
I cannot imagine how many counts of betrayal he's had to face.
And still, here he is, doing what he set out to do -- for better or for worse, ill-advised or not.
Despite what I disagree with, I still have to give him that kudos for hanging on.
"The Final Days" is a great article from The New York Times magazine by its first-time contributor, Pete Baker, on the Bush Legacy. Also, listen to the Back Story podcast to the left of the article to hear what Baker has to say.
In today's New York Times, Joyce Carol Oates opened her review on Curtis Sittenfeld's newest book, "American Wife," with a discussion on what it means to describe something as "American." What makes an ordinary something "extraordinary," being that it has "American characteristics?"
This is the perfect topic in light of so much "patriotism talk" in this season's elections, so much talk of "the American promise," "the American legacy," "American values," and "the American spirit."
But what exactly do they mean? How do we identify ourselves? How are we distinct from the "Chinese something," or "French something," or "English something?"
More importantly how do YOU identify yourself? And what do you think "American" means?
Before you answer, here is what Oates wrote:
"Is there a distinctly American experience? "The American," by Henry James; "An American Tragedy," by Theodore Dreiser; "The Quiet American," by Graham Greene; "The Ugly American," by William Lederer and Eugene Burdick; Philip Roth's "American Pastoral" and Bret Easton Ellis's "American Psycho" — each suggests, in its very title, a mythic dimension in which fictitious characters are intended to represent national types or predilections. Our greatest 19th-century prose writers from Washington Irving, Nathaniel Hawthorne and Herman Melville through Henry James and Mark Twain took it for granted that "American" is an identity fraught with ambiguity, as in those allegorical parables by Hawthorne in which "good" and "evil" are mysteriously conjoined; to be an "American" is to be a kind of pilgrim, an archetypal seeker after truth. Though destined to be thwarted, even defeated, the pilgrim is our deepest and purest American self."
Please feel free to leave a comment, whether you are American or not.
My friend, DeEtte, sent me this funny one.
Yeah, like I always say (I do say this often, don't I?), kids are some of the smartest people ever.
Enjoy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses ...
... until they stop running.
2.Strike while the ...
... bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before ...
... Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of ...
... termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ...
... How?
6. Don't bite the hand that ...
... looks dirty.
7. No news is ...
... impossible
8. A miss is as good as a ...
... Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ...
... Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ...
... stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust ...
... Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ...
... pigs.
13. An idle mind is ...
... the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's ...
... pollution.
15. Happy the bride who ...
... gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ...
... not much.
17. Two's company, three's ...
... the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ...
... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ...
... You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as ...
... Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ...
... spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed ...
... get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you ...
... See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind ...
... get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand ...
... is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than ...
... Pregnant
I'm finally watching the speeches from DNC.
You know, something struck me: if Obama gets elected, he will find that the general election campaign that got him elected will not be the toughest fight. The toughest fight will be his second campaign to be re-elected. The American people will be tempted to give up on the hard-won chance to endure more chaos. They will forget that, this time, it will no longer be the chaos of the darkness. This time, it will be the chaos of change.
In the first four years under Obama's leadership, there will be hope. And along with hope, there will be much chaos, as renewal always goes. The key to the next chapter in the United States of America, and in the rest of the world, is for Americans, along with the rest of the world's global citizens, to bear the burden and responsibilities of change so that we can all see the light of a better future.
Let's not forget that change comes at a price. Let's not forget that the darkest night comes before dawn. Let's not forget that we must endure.
Let's be mindful and present for the hardest part of this journey, which is the beginning. And let's be strong for each other and our future.
|
Myyy goodness!
From The Caucus: Convention Edition
McCain V.P.: It's Palin
2:29 p.m. | On the Other Hand… Mrs. Palin was fairly unenthusiastic about the vice presidency when she was asked about it during an Aug. 1 interview with Larry Kudlow on CNBC.
I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the V.P. does everyday? I'm used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that V.P. slot would be a fruitful type of position, especially for Alaskans and for the things that we're trying to accomplish up here for the rest of the U.S., before I can even start addressing that question.
1:40 | Ethics Probe: An independent investigator is looking into whether Mrs. Palin dismissed a top law enforcement official in her administration because he failed to fire a state trooper, Mike Wooten, who went through a messy divorce with Mrs. Palin's sister. Michael Luo has more on that.
To read more of New York Times' The Caucus real time correspondence and analysis, please go to this blog's comments section.Editor's note: Paul Begala, a Democratic strategist and CNN political contributor, was a political consultant for Bill Clinton's presidential campaign in 1992 and was counselor to Clinton in the White House. Begala is not a paid political consultant for any politicians or candidates. Click here for a rival view
(CNN) -- John McCain needs what Kinky Friedman calls "a checkup from the neck up."
In choosing Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his running mate he is not thinking "outside the box," as some have said. More like out of his mind.
Palin a first-term governor of a state with more reindeer than people, will have to put on a few pounds just to be a lightweight. Her personal story is impressive: former fisherman, mother of five. But that hardly qualifies her to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.
For a man who is 72 years old and has had four bouts with cancer to have chosen someone so completely unqualified to become president is shockingly irresponsible. Suddenly, McCain's age and health become central issues in the campaign, as does his judgment.
In choosing this featherweight, McCain passed over Tom Ridge, a decorated combat hero, a Cabinet secretary and the former two-term governor of the large, complex state of Pennsylvania. iReport.com: 'McCain pick might be a gimmick'
He passed over Mitt Romney, who ran a big state, Massachusetts; a big company, Bain Capital; and a big event, the Olympics.
He passed over Kay Bailey Hutchison, the Texas senator who is knowledgeable about the military, good on television, and -- obviously -- a woman.
He passed over Joe Lieberman, his best friend in the Senate and fellow Iraq Kool-Aid drinker.
He passed over former congressman, trade negotiator and budget director Rob Portman.
And he also passed over Mike Huckabee, the governor of Arkansas.
For months, the McCainiacs have said they will run on his judgment and experience. In his first presidential decision, John McCain has shown he is willing to endanger his country, potentially leaving it in the hands of someone who simply has no business being a heartbeat away from the most powerful, complicated, difficult job in human history.
Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/08/29/begala.palin/?iref=mpstoryview
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the writer.
From Vanguard news at Current.com, Laura Ling brings us a story from afar.
"Unlike their Hollywood friendly brethren, the Tibetans, the Uighurs of northwestern China, claim to be an oppressed minority group that no one has ever heard of. That is, unless the Chinese government publicizes an attack by Uighur insurgents, such as the one that killed 16 Chinese police officers on the eve of the Beijing Olympics. In this Vanguard report, Laura Ling travels to the wild-west frontier in China's Gobi Desert, an area the Chinese named Xinjiang, or New Land, but a place many Uighurs believe should be an independent Uighur nation."
In this episode, Kent Coleslaw tries to answer some of the deepest mysteries of the universe, such as "Why are we here?" and "Where do hats come from?"
"So much terror ... you'll be TERRIFIED! Brought to you by people more powerful than you to make the world a better place ... for us."
A great commercial explaining what to do when ... I forget ... something about the lever and a beaver ....
From Le Monde, one of France's major newspapers.
It's in French, I know, but it talks about how there was a plot (obviously a stupid one, if they got caught so easily) to assassinate Obama in Denver.
Totally crazy, I know. Brings back MLK's legacy. But that also means he's doing his job right when people are so eager to kill. (look at Dubya ... as dumb as he is, no one's attempted to get him yet.)
lusieurs personnes ont été arrêtées à Denver, dans l'ouest des Etats-Unis, et sont soupçonnées d'avoir voulu tuer le candidat démocrate à la Maison Blanche, a indiqué une chaîne de télévision américaine lundi 25 août, dans la soirée. Barack Obama est attendu dans cette ville du Colorado en milieu de semaine pour y prononcer son discours d'acceptation de l'investiture à la présidentielle devant les délégués de la convention démocrate. Une porte-parole du FBI, Kathy Wright, a confirmé l'ouverture d'une enquête par le Bureau fédéral mais s'est refusée à donner plus de précisions...tr>..table>Tharin Gartrell, 28 ans, a été arrêté dimanche dans une banlieue est de Denver. Dans son camion, les policiers ont retrouvé deux fusils dont un avec une lunette, un gilet pare-balles, des boîtes de munition, des talkie-walkies et de la drogue, a précisé un porte-parole de la police. Un autre homme – Shawn Robert Adolph – a été interpellé, selon la chaîne. Il était en possession d'une croix gammée et pourrait avoir des liens avec les groupes suprématistes et racistes blancs. L'un des deux hommes a indiqué aux autorités qu'ils "allaient tirer sur Obama depuis une position très favorable, avec un fusil à une distance de 750 yards [un peu plus de 680 mètres]", selon la chaîne CBS4Denver. Un troisième homme – Nathan Johnson – a aussi été arrêté. Il a affirmé aux services de police que les deux hommes prévoyaient de tuer Barack Obama lors de son discours d'acceptation. Nathan Johnson et son amie, Natasha Gromek, sont aussi inculpés pour possession de drogue.
Le bureau du procureur de Denver a prévu une conférence de presse mardi 26 août. Cependant, le procureur Troy Eid a déclaré aux médias locaux qu'il ne pensait pas que la vie d'Obama était véritablement menacée. Le complot présumé fait l'objet d'une enquête du "Secret Service", une agence fédérale mandatée par le Congrès qui coordonne la sécurité à l'occasion de la convention démocrate ouverte depuis lundi à Denver, en collaboration avec 55 agences gouvernementales incluant le FBI et la CIA.
"Nous avons été informés de cette question ce soir par les services de police d'Aurora. Les agences fédérales travaillent main dans la main avec la police de Aurora. Comme le cas fait encore l'objet d'investigations, il n'y a pas grand chose que nous puissions dire à ce stade", a déclaré le procureur Eid dans un communiqué cité par le journal local Rocky Mountain News. "Nous pouvons dire ceci : nous sommes absolument confiants dans le fait qu'il n'y a pas de menace crédible contre le candidat, la convention démocrate ou la population du Colorado", a affirmé le procureur.
And this is why I like Thomas Friedman.
By Thomas Friedman
Beijing
After attending the spectacular closing ceremony at the Beijing Olympics and feeling the vibrations from hundreds of Chinese drummers pulsating in my own chest, I was tempted to conclude two things: "Holy mackerel, the energy coming out of this country is unrivaled." And, two: "We are so cooked. Start teaching your kids Mandarin."
However, I've learned over the years not to over-interpret any two-week event. Olympics don't change history. They are mere snapshots — a country posing in its Sunday bests for all the world too see. But, as snapshots go, the one China presented through the Olympics was enormously powerful — and it's one that Americans need to reflect upon this election season.
China did not build the magnificent $43 billion infrastructure for these games, or put on the unparalleled opening and closing ceremonies, simply by the dumb luck of discovering oil. No, it was the culmination of seven years of national investment, planning, concentrated state power, national mobilization and hard work.
Seven years ... Seven years ... Oh, that's right. China was awarded these Olympic Games on July 13, 2001 — just two months before 9/11.
As I sat in my seat at the Bird's Nest, watching thousands of Chinese dancers, drummers, singers and acrobats on stilts perform their magic at the closing ceremony, I couldn't help but reflect on how China and America have spent the last seven years: China has been preparing for the Olympics; we've been preparing for Al Qaeda. They've been building better stadiums, subways, airports, roads and parks. And we've been building better metal detectors, armored Humvees and pilotless drones.
The difference is starting to show. Just compare arriving at La Guardia's dumpy terminal in New York City and driving through the crumbling infrastructure into Manhattan with arriving at Shanghai's sleek airport and taking the 220-mile-per-hour magnetic levitation train, which uses electromagnetic propulsion instead of steel wheels and tracks, to get to town in a blink.
Then ask yourself: Who is living in the third world country?
Yes, if you drive an hour out of Beijing, you meet the vast dirt-poor third world of China. But here's what's new: The rich parts of China, the modern parts of Beijing or Shanghai or Dalian, are now more state of the art than rich America. The buildings are architecturally more interesting, the wireless networks more sophisticated, the roads and trains more efficient and nicer. And, I repeat, they did not get all this by discovering oil. They got it by digging inside themselves.
I realize the differences: We were attacked on 9/11; they were not. We have real enemies; theirs are small and mostly domestic. We had to respond to 9/11 at least by eliminating the Al Qaeda base in Afghanistan and investing in tighter homeland security. They could avoid foreign entanglements. Trying to build democracy in Iraq, though, which I supported, was a war of choice and is unlikely to ever produce anything equal to its huge price tag.
But the first rule of holes is that when you're in one, stop digging. When you see how much modern infrastructure has been built in China since 2001, under the banner of the Olympics, and you see how much infrastructure has been postponed in America since 2001, under the banner of the war on terrorism, it's clear that the next seven years need to be devoted to nation-building in America.
We need to finish our business in Iraq and Afghanistan as quickly as possible, which is why it is a travesty that the Iraqi Parliament has gone on vacation while 130,000 U.S. troops are standing guard. We can no longer afford to postpone our nation-building while Iraqis squabble over whether to do theirs.
A lot of people are now advising Barack Obama to get dirty with John McCain. Sure, fight fire with fire. That's necessary, but it is not sufficient.
Obama got this far because many voters projected onto him that he could be the leader of an American renewal. They know we need nation-building at home now — not in Iraq, not in Afghanistan, not in Georgia, but in America. Obama cannot lose that theme.
He cannot let Republicans make this election about who is tough enough to stand up to Russia or bin Laden. It has to be about who is strong enough, focused enough, creative enough and unifying enough to get Americans to rebuild America. The next president can have all the foreign affairs experience in the world, but it will be useless, utterly useless, if we, as a country, are weak.
Obama is more right than he knows when he proclaims that this is "our" moment, this is "our" time. But it is our time to get back to work on the only home we have, our time for nation-building in America. I never want to tell my girls — and I'm sure Obama feels the same about his — that they have to go to China to see the future.
Awww! He was an icon for Oregon's pro basketball. He even lived in Tigard, where I lived, though I never bumped into him.
And now he's dead.
Kevin Duckworth, a two-time National Basketball Association All-Star who played most of his career for the Portland Trail Blazers, died Monday in Kernville, Ore. He was 44.
Duckworth was in Kernville to host a free basketball clinic for children, the Trail Blazers said in a statement. The cause of death is unknown and will be determined by the Lincoln County Medical Examiner, the team said.
Duckworth was born April 11, 1964, in Harvey, Ill. He played college basketball at Eastern Illinois University and was a second-round draft pick of the San Antonio Spurs in 1986. He was traded later that season to Portland, for which he was named the league's most improved player for the 1987-88 season. He played in the N.B.A. All-Star Game in 1989 and 1991.
Duckworth, a 7-footer whose weight often exceeded 280 pounds, was the starting center for the Trail Blazers when they won the Western Conference title in 1990 and 1992. But he became disgruntled in 1993 when he was made a reserve, and he was traded to the Washington Bullets. He also played for the Milwaukee Bucks before ending his career in 1997 with the Los Angeles Clippers.
He is the Trail Blazers' 10th-leading career scorer, with 7,188 points, and rebounder, with 3,327. He compiled averages of 13.6 points and 6.3 rebounds in 527 games with Portland, the team said.
Duckworth remained in the Portland area after his playing career, living in Tigard, Ore., with his fiancée and two children.
Something is not right when the most widely-read newspaper in a country that calls itself "leader of the free world" tells you these things in headlines:
- Clinton delivers emphatic plea for unity
(if unity must be plead when the opponent is a senile old man, who is President Dubya's new best bud, then it's gotta be really bad)
- U.S. officers executed Iraqis, statement say
(so this is where the case leaves off: "Three U.S. soldiers are expected to be charged for murder in connection with the killing of four Iraqi prisoners." oh good, when will they be set on parole with no bail?)
- Russia backs independence of Georgian enclaves
(guess the ole iron fist just never softens; Thatcher would have been so proud. just when we think we can tell our grandchildren about The Cold War like a bedtime story, here we are again)
- Golf tour's rule: speak English to stay in play
(why is it necessary for it to be a rule? so inhospitable. so arrogant. so fucking American. if you MUST, you really could have just not provided any non-English services, and everyone would have gotten the idea eventually. we call it SOCIAL NORMS.)
- F.A.A. computer trouble causes flight delays at several big airports
(only means Y2K has yet to come)
- Agency's head expects banking crisis to worsen
(uh, need I say more?)
- Wind energy bumps into power grid's limits
(isn't the good of relatively-clean energy a moot point if we can't support it?)
- Taliban gain new foothold in Afghan city
(oh, it goes hand-in-hand with THIS headline: "U.S. Killed 90 in Afghan Village, Including 60 Children, U.N. Finds." now, doesn't everything just kind of make sense? we really really don't need an other-worldly sage -- let alone a McCain/Bush -- to explain this one. I ALSO love that Afghan issues are lumped into the Asia Pacific category of World News, instead of South Asia, like how every other foreign newspaper does. oh, and it's supposed to be Asia/Pacific because Asia and the Pacific are not the same, you idiot.)
- THE WAY OF THE WORLD: A Story of Truth and Hope in an Age of Extremism, By Ron Suskind, 415 pages. Harper. $27.95.
(and then, they go and publish books like THIS one to tell you how things should/could be ... as if it isn't plain to see already. are they just being funny?)
Hillary talked about her stance at the DNC like an involuntary spinster talking about marriage.
Sarcasm, single-minded wit, self-declared honesty (not without a dash of vindictiveness), self-proclaimed martyrdom, unfashionable cattiness are just SOME words that sprang to mind.
... As opposed to what came up in my register to describe the crowd:
Idiots.
That's it; that's the ONLY word to describe them appropriately.
People who are lamenting about the waning "hoopla" of Hillary's also-ran status (woohoo, time share? is that the idea?), worrying about Obama's age, appearance, strength, ideas, "intensity," fame/celebrity status, color, background, intelligence, resume length, "tie-lessness," his wife's fashion sense, his wife's personality, his wife's ideas/celebrity status/intensity, his children's cuteness, (need I say more?) ...
... are idiots.
Worrying about this, afraid of that ... especially when it's just the opposite of "opportune moment." That's what makes a failure of a party.
August 27, 2008
High Anxiety in the Mile High City
By MAUREEN DOWD
DENVER
I've been to a lot of conventions, and there's always something gratifyingly weird that happens.
Dan Quayle acting like a Dancing Hamster. Teresa Heinz Kerry reprising Blanche DuBois. Dick Morris getting nabbed triangulating between a hooker and toes.
But this Democratic convention has a vibe so weird and jittery, so at odds with the early thrilling, fairy dust feel of the Obama revolution, that I had to consult Mike Murphy, the peppery Republican strategist and former McCain guru.
"What is that feeling in the air?" I asked him.
"Submerged hate," he promptly replied.
There were a lot of bitter Clinton associates, fund-raisers and supporters wandering the halls, spewing vindictiveness, complaining of slights, scheming about Hillary's roll call and plotting trouble, with some in the Clinton coterie dissing Obama by planning early departures, before the nominee even speaks.
At a press conference with New York reporters on Monday, Hillary looked as if she were straining at the bit to announce her 2012 exploratory committee.
"Remember, 18 million people voted for me, 18 million people, give or take, voted for Barack," she said, while making a faux pro-Obama point. She keeps acting as if her delegates are out of her control, when she's been privately egging on people to keep her dream alive as long as possible, no matter what the cost to Obama.
Hillary also said she was happy about the choice of Joe Biden because he added "intensity" to the ticket. Ouch.
She added insult to injury by coming out Tuesday night looking great in a blazing orange pantsuit and teaching the precocious pup Obama something about intensity and message. She thanked her "sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits," and slyly noted that Obama would enact her health care plan rather than his.
She offered the electrifying fight that the limpid Obama has not — setting off paranoia among some Democrats that they had chosen the wrong nominee or that Obama had chosen the wrong running mate. "It makes perfect sense that George Bush and John McCain will be together in the Twin Cities because these days they are awfully hard to tell apart," she said.
Afterward, some of her supporters began crying, as they were interviewed by reporters, saying that her speech had proved that she would make a better president than Obama. And, as one said, she would only give him "two months" to prove himself.
Ed Rendell, the governor of Pennsylvania, compared Obama to the passive-aggressive Adlai Stevenson and told The Washington Post that Obama gives six-minute answers and "is not exactly the easiest guy in the world to identify with."
At a meeting of the Democratic women's caucus Tuesday, 74-year-old Carol Anderson of Vancouver, Wash., a former Hillary volunteer, stood in the back of the room in a Hillary T-shirt and hat signed by Hillary and "Nobama" button and booed every time any of the women speakers mentioned Obama's name.
She's voting for McCain and had nothing nice to say about the Obamas. What about the kids, I asked. "Adorable," she agreed. Well, I said, Michelle raised them.
"I think her mother does," Anderson shot back, adding: "I wonder if Michelle would give the Queen one of her little knuckle punches?"
Bill's pals said he was still gnawing at his many grievances against the younger version of himself he has to praise Wednesday night; the latest one being that the Obama folks, like all winners, wanted control over Bill's speech, so that he did not give a paean to himself and his economic record, which is what he wanted to do, because he was incensed that Obama said a couple critical things about his administration during a heated campaign.
Finally, Obama had to give in on Monday and say he would allow the ex-president to do exactly as he likes, which is what he usually does anyhow.
Obama's pacification of Bill made his supporters depressed and anxious that he was going to be a weaker candidate than they had hoped and fearful that, as in Obama's favorite movie, "The Godfather," every time Democrats try to get away, the Clintons pull them back in.
And Democrats have begun internalizing the criticisms of Hillary and John McCain about Obama's rock-star prowess, worrying that the Invesco Field extravaganza Thursday, with Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi, will just add to the celebrity cachet that Democrats have somehow been shamed into seeing as a negative.
So that added to the weird mood at the convention, with some Democrats nitpicking Obama's appearance, after Michelle's knock-out speech and the fabulously cute girls, with a reassuring white family in a town he couldn't remember at one point. They wondered why he wasn't wearing a tie, fearing he looked too young, and second-guessed Michelle's green dress, wondering if it clashed with the blue stage, and fretted that there wasn't a speaker Monday night attacking McCain and yelling about gas prices.
"I'm telling you, man," said one top Democrat, "it's something about our party, the shtetl mentality."
-----------
PS. If McCain wins, I will either start a new political party or make plans to move away from the US. Anyone wanna join me? We could form our own country!
Just because there are problems in my life doesn't mean I'm not happy; just because I am happy doesn't mean I don't have problems in my life.
Life isn't always so defined.
Well, so THIS is how it feels to catch the bride's bouquet.
Announcer: All the single ladies here, please come to the dance floor.
Elaine: [murmurs to herself] Oh boy ....
Nora: Get up there get up there get up there get up there [pokes my arm with her finger -- and why does she have to poke me so goddamn hard?]
Elena (some Romanian lady sitting at our table): You should go up there!
Elaine: Eh, I don't know. [awkward chuckle]
Nora continues to poke me.
Elaine: [sighs] Fine!
I walk up to the dance floor, looked around and noticed that most of the crowd except for about 7-8 girls (out of something like 40 married women) moved uncomfortably and somewhat gingerly shifted in their seats. I guess at that point, all 8 or 9 of us just got a first-hand understanding of what it means to be minority.
Finally, the troupe of brave young single women lined up to cast their insecurities and hesitations aside to receive the throwing of the bouquet. After all, we are all in the boat of "yes, I want to be in a relationship, but, no, I don't want to be in a relationship." Yes, I understand, ladies.
I stepped back to allow all the other more hopeful girls step in front of me. No, I'm not on the market to find my "other half." I don't even have a stuffed animal I sleep with at night. Not even a plant. Let alone some guy. Yep, have it ladies. I'll hang back here.
Just as I stepped back though, I stepped ON someone's foot instead. A tall blond girl looked down to me as I looked up.
"Oh, sorry," I said. We exchanged a subtle, but mutual smile ... something along the awkward lines of "Yeah, I'm single, too."
As I turned my head back to view the front, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of color coming at me.
I thought, "Oh, no, this isn't happ ..."
And that's when it hit me in the right eye. It, as in the bouquet.
When I opened my eye, I saw the pretty bunch of flowers fall in slow motion, and I heard the envying "Oh!" of all the ladies around me. (Singledom is better? Right, don't even try to kid me. You all wanted it; I know.)
"Addamnit. Wasn't I just telling you NOT to catch it? Now, you possibly just jinxed yourself from going through training, learning what you need to learn, so that you could travel the world!"
Yes, all of that sparked through my mind -- all of it in that very short moment.
As I watched the bouquet fall, I had no choice but to catch it. How rude would it be to just watch it fall, when it obviously has chosen to hit ME in the face?
So I picked it up. But right when I looked back up, I noticed all the other ladies have already dispersed or were well on their way.
I suppose they all really secretly wanted what I didn't want to have ANYTHING to do with. Or maybe I've wanted to have it, but I was just too chicken-shit to take it all this time.
One way or another, I still got nailed in the eye with a bouquet, as if it was determined to get me.
Oh, so THIS is how it feels to catch a bouquet (... or literally to have a bouquet "catch my eye" -- hahaha!).
It seems just like that.
Every time someone leaves from my life
is a period of cleansing.
I feel pain.
My heart suffers.
But I re-group.
I contain my chaos.
I find sources of strength.
I medicate myself with the wisdom of others.
I calm myself, find balance.
I reach for new things, uncertain things,
and I find my future.
See,
My life goes on to shine.
Driving
Biking
Swimming
Climbing
Snowboarding
Getting stronger
Fixing my feet
Adventuring
Living healthier
Traveling
Pay off debt
Seeing places, people, nature
Bend is my training ground.
I want to learn to do many things before I set off to go elsewhere.
I will be light.
I will roam.
I will see the world.
I will learn.
And the world will greet me for the way I am.
There needs to be better ideas contributing from all sectors to eliminate hungry, poverty and wastefulness of resources.
The idea below comes from Google, using its maps to offer wider accessibility for social services.
August 22, 2008, 3:23 pm
Hunger Maps for Free Summer Meals
By Jennifer 8. Lee
Can you fight hunger through a Google maps mashup?
The New York City Coalition Against Hunger believes that, in part, you can, which is why it has rolled out maps of the five boroughs showing where kids can get free summer meals. Last year, the city began an aggressive program to offer free breakfast and lunch in housing projects, libraries, day camps and church groups. Only about one-fifth of the children who get free school meals during the academic year nationwide also get access to the summer meals.
"This is one of the biggest problems with summer meals — it's completely federally funded but drastically underutilized because there is a lack of outreach," said J. C. Dwyer, who helped organize the project while at the coalition.
The plotting of food resources was sparked by a 2006 project that mapped the city's soup kitchens and pantries. That technology drew wide interest from the social services community. "We started getting phone calls from people around the nation asking how to do it," said Mr. Dwyer, who now works in Texas.
Mr. Dwyer, along with a Eamon Johnson, a management consultant, and Brody Berg, a former Microsoft programmer, started Hungermaps.org. "I think there is large number of software developers out there who would want to do something more meaningful with their time," Mr. Dwyer said.
So far their software has been used to map soup kitchens in Anchorage; food stamp offices in Minnesota; summer meals in Boston; and urban food recovery in Seattle.
"With this we tried to hone in on a specific issue, one that I had a background in and one that is imminently mappable. You are talking about physical resources that exist," he said. "It's a logistical problem."
So far, they have 95 registered users on Hungermaps.org who have made some 250 maps.
"It does seem obvious. but the non-profit realm tends to be five years behind the technology curve," Mr. Dwyer said. "I think it speaks to tack of technology adoption by nonprofits. They are really risk adverse. They don't have a lot of money to throw around and make mistakes with."
The coalition said it has encountered skepticism about whether or not it makes sense to invest the resources in technology for low-income families.
Joel Berg, the executive director of the coalition, argues that indeed it is. "One pantry director told me that his clients actually now have more access to Internet than food," he said.
Mark and Leslyn,
I have been thinking about you both since the last you wrote me. But I wasn't sure how to respond because, as I read about your travels, I was already distracted by the dealings of, well, life (many other things related to work and family, but one major thing, which is what this letter is about). Of course, your lack of prospect for a job stuck in my mind and caused me a few moments of worry here and there (I didn't worry much more, though, because you didn't sound too worried yourself). But I will say that, even though I am not replying directly to your letter about your travels or lack of job prospect, I want you to know that one thing Mark wrote in the last e-mail did sneak into my mind and stayed there: (funny enough) it's when he mentioned the "other world" that lives under water. Mark, you told me you found peace scuba diving and felt good seeing the world under water that we commonly don't see. Your experience sprung into my head during a time of confusion, when I needed to find some peace. So, what did I do? I went to visit the Deschutes River and let its song calm me down. So thank you. Perhaps you had an inner knowing to send your water, transcending through time and space, over to me.
The following is a LONG story -- I didn't think you'd mind, but I still wanted to apologize. However, I'll say that you will have a good time reading it, just as I had a good time writing it. Enjoy!
------------------
Tonight, Jeremy, the brother of, Josh, my roommate, irritated me. I felt that he just didn't listen to me at all. Soooo lame. He asked a question and cut me off just when I started to answer. For the rest of the conversation, he decided to ignore me and discuss it with Josh instead. It sounded so much like he just wanted to hear himself talk and to hear Josh agree with him on the point that the only conclusion available tonight is "I don't know." I was irritated that he didn't take the time to listen to me because I firmly believed that I had an inkling of what the answer might be -- or at least I wanted to get closer to it by having a discussion.
I even e-mailed Nora about it -- a lengthy e-mail about just how rude and silly he had acted.
Except in just a few hours (now), I realized that, while Jeremy had acted irritatingly and even rudely, I also had my problems. For one, I used the "big" word "dipthong" as part of my answer to his question. Of course not everyone knows what that means! But why did I use it? And why did he cut me off and ignored me soon after I used that word?
You know, I have a short temper when it comes to people just being the way they are (pleasant or not) when I'm out of balance (especially). I think this episode with Jeremy and Josh is just an indication of it. When I am out of balance, I find that I'd start to read more, so to acquire knowledge mostly for the sake of knowledge, not for understanding. Then, I'd use that knowledge for the sake of using it, again, not for understanding. I cease to accept people for the way they are, for better or for worse, because I'm unhappy about the Current, about my life as it is.
The last time I felt this way was when Tom, my last roommate that I started a romantic relationship with, left for a fishing trip in Portland soon after he had to take care of Tara, his ex-girlfriend and the pregnancy. I remember feeling angry during that time. As a way of letting it out, I liked to point out how wrong everyone and everything was (also why I used the big word with Jeremy) -- my way of ... well, "therapy" by breaking dishes, by throwing them at a wall one by one full-strength with my spiral-throwing arm (I throw a very nice, tight spiral in American football -- haha!). But I believe that my anger at the time was just a by-product; something else caused my anger. Perhaps, I was angry because I felt couldn't stop from feeling sad.
But things changed and days passed on. Like the desert changing its landscape with the coming of the wind, Tom came back from the fishing trip, and I didn't deal with the matter in its entirety. So, without memorizing the image of the landscape hard enough and quick enough, I could not find my way back to put those problems to rest.
That was several months ago.
Today, I realize that I have started to feel the same way for the past week and a half, two weeks. It's good. I see it this time. I saw the coming of it, and I see that it is here. Now, I need to see where it came from and see to its leaving.
But where did the sadness come from, the sadness that brought restlessness and anger? I keep wondering. I am trying to listen, observe and understand.
For support, I decided to re-read something spiritually powerful to me. Since Sunday, I've been reading the panther's description. I also read the leopard's description, since I feel that's what I am ... a black leopard. I read that I am here in this life to learn about self-reliance and about reclaiming my power. I had forgotten that ... almost. It made me feel better reading it because I was reassured that I am here for a certain purpose, an assignment. But it didn't make me feel good enough. So I looked in my little collection of books to find something that might help calm me down. At first, nothing looked good. But I looked again. And there it was, a small book hidden between larger and more important-looking books.
I found The Alchemist.
I bought this book several months ago when I was still living with Tom, struggling to find balance and a sense of reassurance and direction. I had only read the preface of the book, but I plunged in and bought it -- a small voice inside told me I should take it home because I will want to read it one day. See, the even more interesting thing about my encounter with this book is that last winter, while I was in a lot of pain still, trying to pick myself up from my last relationship (even worse than how sad I was about 2 months after this point, which was when you first met me), I wandered through a winter bazaar in Portland -- where I was still living with my parents and working at a miserable job -- and met a very spiritual woman perchance. Somehow, it seemed her booth called me to it. We started talking, and she told me about intuition, about knowing, and about her encounters in The Philippines (where my old nanny is from -- lost contact, sadly; would like to find her).
The woman also told me about The Alchemist, which, for the next many months, I had almost forgotten.
When I walked through Barnes & Noble's the day I bought the book, somehow, it was on display. I walked past it, but it caught my eye, so I backtracked (literally walking backward) to look at it. I believe it was calling for me, just as it was calling for me from amongst other books on my bookshelf the other day, just when I needed something nourishing to read. And I felt like I needed to understand why this book's call felt so calming to me.
So, I brought The Alchemist down by the river yesterday. I read half of it while listening intensely ... to the river, to the scratching and small footsteps of rodents (chipmunks?) running around trying to approach me (funny that there was this ONE that came less than a foot in front of me several times, wondered whether it should come any closer, but then decided not to), and also to the voice of the book's wisdom.
Today, I finished the book. Though I teared at a few sentences, I honestly did not learn as much as I would have liked about Personal Legends (the heart's purpose), Language of the World, Soul of the World and the Hand that writes Life. I am happy that many people (like my roommate) appreciated that book so much, they'd claim it has "changed their lives." But it hasn't yet for me. No, the secrets of the world is not what I am after. In fact, even though I don't understand completely, I feel that I am already familiar with them somehow. What I have been looking for is the secret of my heart. I wanted to know what is making my heart feel dis-ease all these years.
Impressed but not satisfied from reading The Alchemist, I started reading The Tao of Pooh.
Yes, you're right. Pooh as in Winnie-the-Pooh, the stuffed bear.
Another interesting fact here is that The Tao of Pooh was given to me by a friend in school about a year and a half ago. I was having a very tough time at that point, and I had to mask a lot of things to get by. That friend was Aaron, who later did me another kind deed by literally rescuing me when my old boyfriend kicked me out. I didn't read it for so long because I just wasn't ready. At that time, I wasn't looking the Path; I was trying to figure out how to heal. But I knew I would read it one day, the day when I wanted to understand where I'm heading.
I believe that day was today.
Only 1/3 into the book, I stopped and started writing this ... not because I've suddenly been enlightened about the Path, but because the book reminded me that I have been short-tempered for a reason (referring back to the beginning of this letter), a reminder I didn't have before I read The Alchemist. It was from reading the simplest thing -- a book about Pooh Bear to illustrate the Path -- that reminded me people's behavior may be silly and irritating, but they are silly and irritating only because I feel disconnected, uncomfortable and out of balance. Indeed, things seem as they are in one's heart; things look nice because they reflect how you feel in your heart, and vice versa. The first place to contemplate is not the problems of others, as they will be solved with the passing of time. I feel I ought to check the problems of the self (not to say I caused other people's problems and transgressions;t I'm saying my attitude towards their problems and transgressions).
So what is it?
While writing the paragraph earlier about how I hadn't learned as much as I wanted from The Alchemist, I suddenly asked myself, "Really? You sure nothing touched your heart? Don't you remember your heart throbbed and you teared as you read about Love, about departure and waiting? You remembered how your heart suffered all those times before -- scorned, misunderstood and misinterpreted, bent, abused, ignored, trampled -- and this time now with Tom and your unrequited feelings for him. It touched you where you did not want to be touched, didn't it?"
So, really, through the many steps, many passages of words, time and many voices of my heart-mind, I have come to feel that my sadness comes from departure and abandonment, from being broken-hearted. I know it affects me so not because I am weak and others who are stronger get over it. The reason could be many: perhaps it affects me this strongly because I came to this life with the burden of the last. Or maybe it is because I was raised a certain way (I've tried reading and understanding the physical brain's working -- fascinating and insightful, but it didn't give me the answer that fills the entire void). Or maybe -- just maybe -- this is my Lesson, the black panther's lesson: self-reliance and reclamation of power ... a power that lies in loving myself, the power I need to acquire before realizing my Personal Legend ... my purpose and role in this world.
I've been feeling lonely for the past week, and I have been trying to explain to Nora (and myself) why I'm still single. Not that I'm in a hurry to marry, but I was trying to explain away my loneliness. All of this ... from the beginning of this letter to the end ... is the REAL reason why I haven't found a boyfriend yet. It isn't just because the boys I've encountered aren't mature enough or ready enough or interesting enough (but mark my words, these DO make part of the reason!). The truth is my life has its own course and its own timing to reach my purpose, my Legend (which I am starting to believe is Love, not just love for myself, but also beyond that) that no one can help. Others may find their way to their Personal Legends (purposes/roles) in this life through first finding love. In other words, love will be an instrument that helps them reach their challenges and their Legends. But I feel that it'll be almost the opposite for me: I will be challenged to realize my powers and knowing myself before I can reach my Personal Legend, which is to love myself so to truly give myself to others.
I am still sad. Understanding what is happening does not heal my wounds and take away my sadness. But it reassures me that change is coming. If I withstand this, I can go on to withstanding the next and the next and the next ... until I reach a point when Life is satisfied.
After all, that is what we are all here to do, isn't it -- to reach each of our purposes and potentials, so to fulfill Life's longing for itself, and to nourish and satisfy Life as a universal whole?
Please send me blessings with your thoughts of me wherever you are. I believe I am setting off on this journey to some place far away.
Missing you.
Love,
Lum Lum
Posts
All Comments
