That Much

I thought about Dune today when I read Del's hilarious message on Brian's profile. It was a cool Sci-Fi TV movie, but what really hit me today was the fact that the main character's wife was willing to step down and be a concubine so that he could take a princess for a wife -- knowing that the marriage with the princess must be consumated in one fashion or another.

It suddenly struck me that it would kill me if Brian was to have sex with another person, voluntarily or forced. No, not just getting shot in the heart and then I'll recover, but getting shot in the heart and I'll die. That's how much he means to me. I asked myself what I would do if my last boyfriend were to leave me. My answer was I'd be angry, and I'd be ok. It didn't matter as much. Now, it's different, as if I've been magically transformed, as if we've been fused together, he is a part of me. He means that much to me.