In Closing

A letter to the ex.

Urgent: Read (all of it)

I don't want to argue anymore since there is no point with you, so I'm going to make it clear:

Yes, I have my flaws, and I admitted to them. I was never going to stay the way I was -- I made sure that I was working towards it. I was aggressively finding work when you didn't recognize it. I was planning with DeEtte about how I should make sure I can get out of my rut, etc.. But maybe I could have done more.

However, if my flaws were bad enough for you to leave me, why didn't you say so earlier? Why wasn't there a conversation about it? And before that, why wasn't there a conversation about how best to BOTH WORK TOGETHER on some of these problems, so that they wouldn't get to the point where it made you want to leave?

I do have flaws and problems. I know. But I would have worked on them with you to make it so that they weren't problems anymore. We were a TEAM.

You gave the one who cheated on you multiple times many chances. And what did I do to you? I was merely having a life problem. And you just had to put me down and bark at me and belittle me and practically chase me out of the house with your emotional brutality? That's unacceptable.

And why did you have sex with me Monday night? It didn't make me feel better; please do not insult me with that excuse. You were taking advantage of my being in a vulnerable position. That was unethical. No one would have ever dreamed of you being this type of person deep down.

All I did was love you and was ready to stick with you until the end. I admit that I have problems and flaws, but they weren't the true reasons for the break up and never should have been. Lack of motivation, loss of direction, lack of life experience, and loss of "self" were correct statements. But I am not "uninteresting", not "less of a person", not "going for a free ride" (only seemed that way because you didn't give the relationship enough time for me to straighten out and prove you wrong), not lazy (you have no idea how many resumes and letters I sent out!) … and a host of other things you described. How dare you to have told me that I was in no position to tell you what lessons I feel you could take away, as if I am not good enough for you. All of that wasn't honesty; that was you judging me wrong and you putting me down. You didn't help me with my problems. All you did was just to complain and point fingers at my problems. Duh. I know I have problems. Some support, understanding and guidance would have been more constructive than projecting your life and outlook on life onto me.

How could you have viewed this relationship as a transaction, like if you do something for me, you expect the same, if not more, in return? "A gift given with expectations is not a gift; it is a loan." What was this relationship to you? A credit card/loan business? I couldn't get on my feet before you lose your patience, so you evict me from the house and the relationship?

The fact is simple: you weren't there for the "relationship" like you portrayed to me; really, you just wanted an arm candy that is easy to manage and maintain, and to keep forever so that you wouldn't have to go through inconveniences to find another one again -- I mean, seeing as how you have all your life aspirations, you just didn't have time for a troublesome partner like me, or to find one that has as much value as I do. In other words, you wanted more value than you could afford. All was fine, until I turned out to be harder to manage than you thought. THAT'S why the relationship failed, and that's what I disappointed you with and nothing else.

You were luckier than most people to had had someone like me (with flaws, but who definitely also value love and commitment) -- now to look back, you were luckier than you deserved to be and will ever deserve to be.

… You have just made one of the worst mistakes you've ever made.

However, I still wish you the best. If nothing else, please REMEMBER what I said to you about your lack of ability to relate to other people's emotional conditions (aka. empathy). If you don't improve, they'll make you lonely and angry sooner or later. Do what's best for you: don't get into that rut ... work on your problems and don't just be content that "you are just the way you are and cannot change" -- people can't change, but their behaviors can be altered and their horizons can be expanded.

I will call you and send you an e-mail copy of further instructions of what you need to do to move me out of the house.