my largest piercing

a shot to the heart ...
it rang in the ears like a real gun shot,
but it probably was just because i was lightheaded from listening to him.

i thought i had given him my heart long ago
in exchange for his heart in the place of mine.
i thought that meant more than
'it shouldn't be this hard' and
a relationship ending as abruptly as thunder strike.

his heart ...
when i looked down last night,
it wasn't there anymore.
there was nothing more than a hole,
with little broken, frayed, withered,
twitching ends that stuck out
like broken wires. in that space,
those finger-like bonds that
once attached me to his heart --
his heart which occupied my core --
now, are just painfully frail twigs.

lover,
that's what i meant by 'losing everything' ...
hollow, empty, not full of love,
my hand not in yours.

dear god,
i can't afford to do this again.