Some Understanding

I can't say that this is any sort of enlightenment, but I will say that I can understand better now.

I spend the morning of the New Year's Eve talking to my parents about our relationship and the fact that we're so different.

Skycrystal2005: I just read what you sent me. And I guess what is God to other people is what is my family to me.
Skycrystal2005: It's very very very hard -- and morally impossible -- to take family or God out of the equation for some people.
Skycrystal2005: Phil, our friend, for example.
NoraDragoon: i know
Skycrystal2005: His girlfriend broke up with him because of religious differences.
Skycrystal2005: Very sad.
Skycrystal2005: Love is one thing, religion is another, it seems.
NoraDragoon: some people are very adiment about god and pleasing god and what not, i asked julie this question,
Skycrystal2005: But what is the very point of the issue, at least for Kelly, Phil's ex, anyway ...
Skycrystal2005: is that how do you reconcile and balance between love, and something that you have had all your life, be it God or family expectations?
Skycrystal2005: On one hand, you LOVE this man,
Skycrystal2005: on the other hand, it's almost impossible to deny what you've believed your entire life.
Skycrystal2005: It is to "deny",
NoraDragoon: and doesn't god want you to be happy so that you can supposivly serve him better
Skycrystal2005: because that's not what your family or the scripture agrees.
Skycrystal2005: Happiness, they say, is to share it.
Skycrystal2005: There are guidelines to it, they believe.
NoraDragoon: how i look at it is this, you have to make your self happy otherwise, you're going to always be denying yourself things that are there for you to enjoy, love to be a good example
Skycrystal2005: And regardless of whether these guidelines are shackles or not,
Skycrystal2005: it's something many have lived with for a long time,
Skycrystal2005: and are not ready to go against it.
NoraDragoon: and i see it as a sad thing
Skycrystal2005: That's why I think it's such a hard thing for some.
NoraDragoon: putting conditions on yourself only to be unhappy in the end
NoraDragoon: me too
NoraDragoon: it's hard for me to deal with people who are so evangelical with religion
Skycrystal2005: It makes some people question the life they used to lead.
Skycrystal2005: it's a matter of self-valuation.
NoraDragoon: totally
Skycrystal2005: If you do things differently, then what does your life before mean?
Skycrystal2005: Did you do it all in vain?
NoraDragoon: i don't know i value my self much more then others value themselves
Skycrystal2005: What will happen in the future?
Skycrystal2005: Is this "love" really going to bring me happiness?
Skycrystal2005: What if it fails ... then it'll be all lost.
NoraDragoon: maybe,
Skycrystal2005: That's what I can see them feeling.
NoraDragoon: no it's not all a loss, it's a learning experience and you have to learn and do trial and error before you can succeed
NoraDragoon: you have to learn to fail to be able to prevail
NoraDragoon: it's a concept that took me a while myself to understand.
Skycrystal2005: The thing is ... errors are not allowed in some communities. Be it right or wrong, there are things that you do that will make you or break you in certain circles.
NoraDragoon: and i think thats why i don't agree with organized religion for the most part, there are a lot of good things about it, but there are a lot a faults to it too.
Skycrystal2005: In a traditional family, you become an ingrate (an ungrateful person). In a religious circle, I don't know, you might become a sinner.
NoraDragoon: that's kind of what happens.
Skycrystal2005: In Hollywood, you become a slut if you get into too many relationships.
Skycrystal2005: Or at least dysfunctinoal.
NoraDragoon: my cousin adam prays for me everyday, just so that i don't go to hell.
Skycrystal2005: In politics, well, look at Clinton.
NoraDragoon: he feels that i'm living a sinners life and need to be saved in his world
Skycrystal2005: so, in every community, in every circle, there is that kind of condemnation and ostricism.
Skycrystal2005: Some people are less susceptible, but some are very affected by it.
Skycrystal2005: But I dare say that no one is impervious to it.
Skycrystal2005: Because we are all related.
NoraDragoon: yeah, and it's our jobs as individuals to choose whether or not we are going to let someone that has a closed mind about things let them affect us in any sort of manner
Skycrystal2005: That's all we can do on an individual level.
Skycrystal2005: If you have doubts about a relationship ... or the valuation between the relationship with a lover and the relationship between your community,
Skycrystal2005: then chances are, you need more time to think it through.
Skycrystal2005: and you may not be as ready as you think.
NoraDragoon: that is the point, right there.
Skycrystal2005: That's what I gathered from my experience with my family.
Skycrystal2005: I realized that I value my relationship with Brian so much that it is worth it to me to stand up.
Skycrystal2005: The question to those who are in similar positions as mine is: IS IT WORTH IT TO YOU?
NoraDragoon: my family has there ideals as to what they want for me, but they also have been told by me that i don't apprieciate it when they tell me that something i'm doing isn't right or what not. i have to remind them sometimes that i'm my own person and that what i do is right for me and might not be right for them.
NoraDragoon: same goes for anyone that tells me that i'm going to hell cuz i'm not a christian or something
NoraDragoon: crazy like that
Skycrystal2005: And of course, some families take that better than others ....
Skycrystal2005: My family doesn't take the comment of "I make my own choices" so well, you see.
Skycrystal2005: But it's a delicate balance, and it's different for everyone.
NoraDragoon: oh i know
Skycrystal2005: It's the judgement called "worth" that became key to me.
NoraDragoon: that's right, everyone is different. there are not two people in this world, walking this earth that are the same
NoraDragoon: we are all like snow flakes every crystal is unique
Skycrystal2005: For those who think it's worth it to stand up, congrats,
Skycrystal2005: because this relationship will mean that much more to you two.
Skycrystal2005: And it's not to detract worth from those who are lucky enough not to have to fight like that.
Skycrystal2005: Because peace is a wonderful thing.
Skycrystal2005: But those of us who have to fight, we know to hold on to the relationship that much tighter.
Skycrystal2005: It makes us as snowflakes just a little prettier in our eyes .... :-)
NoraDragoon: damn straight
Skycrystal2005: I'm just gonna put this in my blog.