Asuage

To soothe ...

... is to take the baggage and toss it into the ocean, to feel the wind blowing up against you, so that you feel lighter, almost like ... flying, almost like ... everything will be ok, because you are breathing, and you are feeling.

I realize that I don't have to be tough or strong for anyone else but me. And no matter what kind of wrong people have done to me, while it doesn't prevent them from having a good life, it doesn't prevent me from being happy and fulfilled either. In the end, it's just me. Can I face myself and just be happy?

Tonight, I wandered through MySpace and ran into someone who did me wrong once upon a time, caused my life to go through all sorts of turmoil, for no apparent reason at all. Not because he hated me, but ... just because.

Sometimes, when you revisit something dark in your life that you had thought is gone, you realize that it's always been there and always will. It's part of your life. You've just changed, and maybe on the better, sunny days, you used it as a shade -- it all depends on how you utilize your experiences. Nevertheless, it's always there. And on this night, what was dark and haunting stared at me in the eyes through the computer screen. He looked happy, fulfilled .... I wonder if he regrets what happened. I wonder if he realized it was wrong. I wonder if he realized how it shattered my life and made me feel foresaken.

But through my insecurities and doubt for myself and others, somehow, I pulled through. Out of the darkness, I found me ... as unrefined, as coarse and ungraceful as they come. But with all of my imperfections, here I am. And because I am here, I don't feel lost, and I don't feel like I'm nothing. I am, I believe, OK.

Because I pulled through.

Here ...

... I stand.