Waiting ... Still

By all accounts, Brian was a great guy. I know exactly why I chose him, I knew exactly how hard it was going to be, and, still to this day, I know didn't make a mistake by choosing him. I loved him, I still love him, and I don't regret that. We complemented each other in many ways, and it was obvious that we had great potential.

But what happened was that we both have issues about ourselves that we have to deal with but couldn't deal with them together. I have pre-existing things that I haven't solved, while he still has emotional growth to do. My pre-existing issues smothered him, while his lack of emotional maturity made it hard for me to find support in him.

Through my anger and resentment towards him at the beginning, my frustration with not being able to understand how he could have changed so quickly from being committed to not, the extreme pain I have to endure now, my heartbreak, I still care and love him. I wish nothing but the best for him. I have given him nothing but the best: my unconditional love. I don't feel that I'm too rash in saying that.

I truly hope that we can one day come to form a better friendship than we ever did when we were together. See, there are SO many things about me that I never did tell him because I was waiting for him to be ready, to be more open-minded, and to be willing to listen. I was trying to adjust my life to the relationship, and I was being patient with him.

And today, I am still going to be patient ... I still want him to know me. He has been such a part of me, and he always will. That's why it's important for me to wait for that day to arrive. And in some critical manner, I think it'll help him, too, to understand everything -- including himself.

So here I am. And I'll be waiting.