Tough Luck

Tonight, I admit that I resent him not just for breaking my heart, but for breaking my heart further by being an asshole in order to uphold his argument, just to be right (aka. The God Complex).

I resent him for belittling me (he justified his argument for "allowing me" to live at his house for free by saying that I couldn't afford to pay everything ... except that I could ... and some - he just refused my payment because "it's OUR money anyway", is all. Now he uses his invitation against me).

I resent him for making me feel like I am not worth his while, that I'm not good enough for him (why am I "in no place" to tell him what lessons we should learn from this break up/relationship? I'm just as good as anyone else.).

I resent him for not admitting that he wants someone else and not me (he already had his eyes on other people; he emotionally cheated on me).

I resent him for not being honest and forthright about his own problems. Instead, he blamed me (my problems, apparently, ruined everything when he's perfect).

I resent him for not having any conviction and ethical integrity.

I resent him for making his assistance to me a "charity act" (he told me he didn't have to, but it's out of the goodness of his heart that he wanted to help - please, if you are going to hurt someone, do it right and do it with some grace).

I resent him for not even treating me like a friend (he would not have treated his friends with the cruelty that he treated me with).

I resent him for being a good person to others but a terrible person to me.

I resent him for insulting me and shredding me of my last bit of dignity just to make his point of view stand.

I resent him for having no respect for me ... and for himself.

But I have no way to make justice ring and no way to mend that chip on my shoulder.