Decision to Survive

And, ya know, I understand that "not seeing him" might appear to be immature to some, but to a certain extent, one just cannot care too much about what appears to be mature or not. This is not for spite. This is for survival. This is for my battle to keep my sanity. I don't understand why that's so hard to be understood.

Perhaps those that deem my personal decision to not see him as immature in fact too highly esteem themselves and underestimate what bad memories and heartbreak (to the point of trauma) mean.

Perhaps he's forgotten how it felt when he went through having his heart torn open.

Perhaps scars numb.

But I know that I'd rather appear immature than to wait until everyone is asleep to cry like a small hurt animal in the middle of the night the way I did not too long ago ...

... every fuck'n night.

You give away your heart. You love whole-heartedly. You get hurt (your insides hurt, even your body hurts, and all you want to do is throw up). You never want to revisit it. There's nothing immature about that at all.

The fact that I was questioned and that I even have to offer any type of explanation for this is ridiculous.