What is Rightfully Mine

[No, no. Sarahquel, you're intelligent, insightful and pretty, and you may not even believe in the quote you posted, but I just have to post it on my blog to remind myself that I don't believe in it. In fact, your quote, in a reversed sort of way, made me feel empowered. Thank you. :) ]

I don't believe in the following quote because it is fatalistic, not that all fatalistic ideologies are all wrong, as they are not all right. I just feel that this quote, in all its depression, forgot to mention our parents and family's influence, our friends, our teachers, wisdom from books, everyday experience, our own thoughts and ideas ... and even genetics. (We weren't born the day before we fell in love. We came a long way before we fell, well, anywhere. And, by God, those days should count for something.)

No, I believe people I have fallen in love with in the past, or just other people in general, do not define how I love and who I love. No, I make that decision. I make my own meaning out of what these people meant to me before and what they will mean to me later. Their influence will always remain as an influence, but NEVER a definition. (if we don't make our own meaning out of every breath we take, then what's the point?)

I believe in the power in my own thoughts. I love and live the way I think and feel is possible; it is my claim to what is rightfully mine -- my definition of life. Through my ups and downs in life, even through the harshest of times, through mistreatments, even crime, against me -- and I really could have been a bitter person because of all that -- one thing that no one ever robbed me of is just that ... my independent belief in life that is uniquely mine.

And because of that, they never "won", and I never "lost". In fact, I won in my own "context".

(For that, I seek to spread, not depression, but hope to people around me -- to remind them that they can make up their own minds. Not to say to disregard the influence of people in their past, but to make purpose that leads to more in life. I want them to know that if they were to let someone else take control of their lives, then so be it. But before that, I want them to know it is their own choice. I want them to at least know that they have a say in their own lives if they will remember at least ONE other person that cares about them.)

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occured. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."


Killing Yourself to Live, Chuck Klosterman