Do I Visualize a Light Bulb?

What the hell am I to do with the rest of my life??

Well, lately, that's been the theme I've been dwelling on. The way to better my future is to better myself now, right? But how?

How do I unlock that secret potential hidden inside me, so that I can surprise everyone -- including myself? And there's gotta be some sort of talent in there, right? right? How do I understand how to find the key to happiness, so that what seems like a game of Sudoku at the "Impossible!" level will suddenly make sense? But what if the happiness I find is something that disappoints everyone else (can my happiness then be sustainable?)? And I do care what other people think, even though everyone else says not to worry about them. (Sometimes, I have a sneaking suspicion that the people who give me this piece of advice do so because they have always wanted to see what would happen if they had not worried about the opinion of others ... maybe I am their experiment.) How do I empower myself ... do I visualize a light bulb lighting up and go "ding"? Do I expand my horizons the way I expand the diameter of my thighs or my waist?

So I spend most of my time reading nowadays. I read anything I can think will "empower" me: psychology, economics, politics, career guides, memoirs, ___ For Dummies books, quotes, life's instruction handbooks, self help books, health ... anything. Then, I come up with theories and ideas on how to look at my life in an orderly and analytical fashion -- things that all seem to make sense and even clever at the time, but definitely not so much a couple of days later.

It's been fun though ... but then, I ask, all this for what? I'm still trying to figure it out.