Anecdote

I went to bed exceptionally early last night -- 9:30pm. (*gasp!* Early night for Elaine! Impossible!) Well, it felt great. Made me feel somewhat normal.

One of the first thoughts I had this morning was, "What should I do? I feel enclosed here in Portland, as if this place and I just don't click, as if this place doesn't have what it takes to appreciate what I have to offer. But where? Maybe Seattle. Maybe my cousin is right. But how? Do I have the nerve? What should I do?"

But this feels ... right. Strangely enough, it felt like something not only plausible, possible, but also ... right.

But what now? What will happen if I do move? ... There's nothing I can't manage, right? ... But it's really hard and deflating that I don't really know what I "can" do (even though there's a lot that I can do), let alone what I want to do.