My Fun Christmas

Well, it turns out that this Christmas is a really hard one for me. I don't really know why ... or maybe I do, but it's just too complicated. It's a time when you're "supposedly happy and thankful," but what I'm supposed to feel only puts more pressure on me, and in turn makes me feel quite a bit worse. It also stresses me out to think that maybe I'm just worn out from keeping a positive outlook, and the "real depression" is now just setting in.

What's worse is to feel like my life isn't going anywhere ... and this probably has nothing to do with where I'M physically going. This stalling in life is exacerbated by hearing how happy my ex is and how well he is doing -- actually makes me feel like the reason why I was dumped and all the things he said about me is real.

To top it all off, I haven't told many people about my intention of not going back to school, when many of my friends who are from the school program I was in are counting on me to get back ... many will be disappointed, even think I'm foolish. This makes me feel very isolated.

No, I didn't do anything for Christmas. My family gave up on celebrating it. My parents went on vacation and came back recently. They didn't feel like celebrating. My mom, however, cooked up a storm, which is good. But no tree, no decorations. BUT! I did give myself a huge present -- this MacBook that I'm using right at this moment.

I wish I had a stocking stuff that includes something to dispel my blues right now.

But hey, only 3 hours and Christmas 2007 will be gone forever.