Entropy of Foreverness

I never felt complete or fulfilled with him.
But
I did feel happy.

I felt a sense of overwhelming comfort and contentment.
Not the "bad" kind of comfort and contentment, but the joyous kind.

Despite the resentment that I still harbor, I still know what I was attracted to, what qualities of his that I admire, and why I loved him.

Despite how he treated me in the end, there are parts of him that I love still.

And you know, I'm proud of myself for that. I didn't demonize an entire person. I knew the bad, but I never forgot about the good. And for this reason, I can't say that I hate him ... I don't. Even though what I gave him didn't mean as much to him as I had hoped or was led to believe, each day I am making more and more meaning out of however much he gave me, both the good and the bad, for better or for worse ... for better eventually, I think.

Though I doubt that I will ever completely forgive him, I still do wish him happiness ... everyone should be happy. If he can't try to understand the situation from a wholistic point of view, and if he can't give me an apology for the way he treated me, then I will just have to live without that. God knows I'm trying.

Maybe life is just like that -- you can't have everything you deserve.