Time In Entry 1

[All of my "Time In Entries" are my Harvard positive psychology exercises, starting with this one.]

I can't think of what happiness is in general terms without diluting it too much. It could be contentment to a certain degree -- afterall, without at least an ounce of contentment, where can you find stability as a foundation? It is exploration, pleasure, and other things that I most probably don't know about yet.

What could Happiness possibly be for me? I suppose words like emotional stability and inner balance, hope, exploration, understanding, acceptance and appreciation do a very good job to shed a bit of light on what I think Happiness might mean to me.

I suppose I can think back to a time when I was happy. I suppose I was happy. I was gaining emotional balance, my relationships with those that matter to me were on good terms, I have hope in what I do and what I will be doing, I was also physically active. On top of it all, it was sunny and warm. Interestingly enough, also I distinctly remember that I had a sense of relief, that things are finally working, and what didn't work out will work out eventually. My sense of happiness at that point, perhaps, was not without worries. While it does not negate that I was in fact happy, I think it could mean that there is room for improvement.

So that was May of 2006.

That delicate balance started to tip sometime at the end of June, when what they call "love stormed in." I watched my balance strip away. I experienced bliss, but I wondered if, perhaps, my inner balance was too high a price to pay. I was convinced that, in order to be in a loving relationship, I must give up something. It turns out that I gave up practically everything in hopes that the two of us could make something even better out of it. I experienced rather severe depression when I started realizing that the scenario of reaping what I sow was not going to happen. For a period of about 5-6 months, I was unhappy. I felt trapped, agitated, even angry. Moreover, I was bored. I was tired of how little I could do to help the situation. I was tired of living a routine, really. But slowly, I didn't even want to get out of bed. I didn't want to do anything. All of it because I lacked hope. I didn't see a way out. I didn't see a way to find more meaning and experience more of life. One thing for sure is that hope is something that adds to my happiness. I know this because after a painful and abrupt end to that hopeless, enclosed and dry lifestyle, I experienced a period of hope for several months. Though I was going through the pain of heartbreak, I once again saw hope. I was reacquainted with the rest of the world, and I was making more connection with possibilities and positivity than I had for the whole of the previous year.

And here I am, with hope.

I am know I haven't reached a point where I can actually claim to be Happy, but I know that I am now "happier than before." And I know what I need to do next to be "even happier than before:" I need to gain a sense of contentment. I feel that sense of unrest is still there. I need some relief to find the platform of contentment before moving upward continuously. Even though there are other areas of improvement, the primary unrest comes from school/career, financial stability and sense of independence.