The likes of me

I think I lack rituals in my life. I lack the things that make my days regular, predictable, steady and foundational. I do whatever when the situation calls for it ... or when I call for it. I make plans, but I break them, unless I have to be responsible to/for someone else. Of course alternate plans are better than original ones, I thought to myself. Or else, why would I have changed my mind to begin with? No, I don't always operate like that, but ... more often than I'd like to.

Like, today. I wanted to look into my insurance stuff. I also wanted to look for volunteer opportunities (well, I did some of this). I made those plans last night. But now, I just want to fall back to sleep.

Psychologists around the world that talk about habits say that it's not because I lack discipline, but I lack ______. I don't think they really have a scientific conclusion for the likes of me yet.

So ... I need some rituals. I need something that vitalizes me. Let me think about it. I'll keep you updated.